Book Talk: Christians Get Depressed Too

Chapter 6 – The Caregivers

Summary:

On to the last chapter of David Murray’s book, where he writes about the caregivers in a depressed person’s life: family, friends and church family. While these people most likely have no medical history, they play a key role in helping someone who is depressed. Murray then lists 10 areas that caregivers need to consider when trying to help a depressed person get better:

1.      Study

·         Caregivers need to educate themselves about depression, using Jesus’ example in dealing with the downtrodden

·         Murray also recommends a number of books:

Ø  I’m Not Supposed to Feel Like This by Chris Williams, Paul Richards, and Ingrid Whitton

Ø  Overcoming Spiritual Depression by Arie Elshout

Ø  Broken Minds by Steve and Robyn Bloem

·         He also recommends the following books, but with caution

Ø  Spiritual Depression by Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones

Ø  Mind over Mood by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky

Ø  Blame It on the Brain? and Depression: A Stubborn Darkness by Ed Welch

2.      Sympathy

·         “ability to communicate that we truly understand the problem and the symptoms, that we are deeply concerned, and that we will do all that we can to help.” Pg. 90

·         Murray reminds us that it could very well be one of us in the same position, suffering!

3.      Support

·         Being there, listening and talking with the person who is struggling

·         Means unconditional love, even when the loved one turns on you

·         Help practically (babysitting or take loved one out for a day)

·         Remain loyal

·         The church needs to establish a culture where problems are okay! Everyone has them from time to time, and so we all need to support each other, starting from the top (leaders)

4.      Stigma

·         Following the above steps will help the caregiver recognize the stigmas attached to depression, and so not be ignorant or crass when someone is struggling with depression

5.      Secrecy

·         It often takes a great amount of courage for someone who is struggling with depression to confide in someone (thanks to the stigmas)

·         Recognize this then, and maintain strict confidence

6.      Self-Esteem

·         Due to self-doubt and self-criticism, people with depression have low self-esteem

·         As caregivers, Murray encourages us to help them view themselves in light of their God-given abilities, their worth to others and value to the church

·         Murray recognizes that we as Christians hesitate to “pat ourselves on the back”, but he gives 1 Cor. 15:10 as an example of humility with a healthy opinion of one’s accomplishments. The key is humility

7.      Subjectivism

·         Focussing on feelings and then coming to beliefs due to those feelings is a common trait in those who have depression

·         As caregivers, Murray tells us we need to encourage them to step away from subjection, and focus on objective truths of Christianity, truths regardless of feeling: justification, adoption, atonement, God’s attributes

8.      Speak

·          Listen much, speak little

·         Murray gives a list of what not to say. Here are a few that stuck out to me:

Ø  Pull yourself together

Ø  You’ll get over it soon

Ø  It’s a sin to be depressed

Ø  Smile, it can’t be that bad

Ø  Well, things could be worse

9.      Suicide

·         If a caregiver suspects their loved one is contemplating suicide, Murray says to ask carefully and wisely what they are thinking and if they have a plan. If there is a plan already, seeking professional help is vital

·         Murray then lists a number of reasons that Pastor Steve Bloem (Broken Minds) would think of to not go through with suicide. Again, here are some reasons that stood out to me:

Ø  The devil will be pleased

Ø  Family and friends will be devastated

Ø  The plan might not work, which  may leave you disabled

Ø  There *is* help available

Ø  If you do not know of Christ, and believe in Him, you will go to hell

Ø  God will keep you until the day is reached when pain will be no more

10.  Slow

·         Murray reminds the caregivers that there are no easy answers or quick fixes, as it can take months, even years, to overcome depression

·         Be patient and recognize that there very well may be relapses

·         Continue to pray for our loved ones, bringing them before God’s throne of grace

Murray concludes the chapter going back to the thought that God will sometimes use depression to bring an unconverted person to Him. Murray encourages his unconverted readers then to look to God, to repent and recognize the need for a Saviour. He reiterates that this doesn’t mean it’ll solve the depression, but that it’s just a good starting point.

My Thoughts:

I again enjoyed this chapter. I found a few things striking and have given me a lot of thought. The first one was Murray’s statement under the heading of Secrecy. He writes: There must be no “sanctified” gossip: I’m just telling you this so that you can pray about it. Wow. Isn’t that the truth – how often we share something that was told in confidence, thinking it’s okay to share so others can also pray. I LOVE how he calls that ‘sanctified’ gossip. That really made me think.

The other thought I found striking, and rather blunt, was his last statement (when speaking of the unconverted): Pills might get you through this world, but they will not be available in hell, the place of ultimate torment, despair and gnashing of teeth. “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved” Acts. 16:31. I found it an odd way to end, yet thought-provoking. In fact, that statement can be said about anything, by replacing the word ‘pills’ to anything else we look to, to get us through, whether that be alcohol, food, people’s opinions, you name it, anything that keeps us from looking to the True Healer.

Your Thoughts:

Was there anything Murray wrote in this chapter that struck a chord with you? Does he give the caregivers practical ways to help a loved one struggling with depression?

Prayer Points:

·         For all caregivers: family and friends that have found themselves with a loved one with depression

·         For those who are depressed to find that person to confide in

·         To first look to God for help, recognizing He is there for them

·         Thankfulness for God’s grace

·         For wisdom, to know when to ask for profession help for a loved one

·         Thankfulness for the many ways God has provided help

Next Time:

David Murray ends the book with a few words on The Sufficiency Of Scripture. I will touch upon that as well as an overall review of the book. And then that’s it!

Thanks again for your comments and observations. I enjoy them!!