Clearly the last two weeks has left a lot of people shaken. Shaken in worry. Shaken in fear. Shaken while crying. Shaken while listening to the details of the outcome. Shaken in faith.
This case has left the community reeling, trying to come to grips with what has all transpired in the last weeks. And while I never met this family, it has also left me shaken, as well as leaving me with new perspectives.
I can't remember the last time that I pretty much did nothing except watch the news and check the Facebook page of "Help Find Tim Bosma", day in and day out. But that is all I did the last 1.5 weeks. This ordeal was like a cloud hanging over every activity I did. Watching Tim's wife, and then his mother, make pleas on Tim's behalf was heart-wrenching and left me sad for them. And it has left me grateful for the days I continue to be blessed with my loved ones.
Guilt is close by though as the days go on. As sad as reality can be sometimes, life goes on and that cloud of Tim's case is slowly lifting. Because I did not know this family at all, my life continues on with really no change. So unlike Tim's wife. As our life continues on, living like we were before all this, it hurts to know that for her it'll never be the same. And when I think of that, that is when the guilt seeps into my thoughts.
I feel guilty that I am enjoying my day while there is a family in mourning and stuck in the middle of a confusing puzzle.
I feel guilty that I now go more than an hour without thinking of this tragedy (so different from a week ago when that is all I thought about, every minute of the day).
I feel guilty for laughing.
I feel guilty for hugging my husband.
I feel guilty that, while being caught up in the events of the last weeks, my life has not changed and continues on as it did before.
I feel guilty for, well, living life.
I know that is not how we are to live. But where do we go from here? I feel like a selfish person to carry on about life when I know someone out there is in so much pain.
And that is when the "Count Your Many Blessings" song starts humming in my head. I am praying and working hard to change these guilty thoughts into thankful thoughts.
Yes, the Lord has taken, but He has also given.
"The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised" Job 1:21
And so, that is what I am praying and working on; to be sure to recognize not only what God has taken away, but what He has given and is giving me every day. I pray for Tim's wife, that He may guide her and hold her close, that He continues to give to her what she needs.
The last weeks have really pointed out that we do not know our day or moment when the Lord will call us home. And so we are to enjoy and be thankful for each and every day He gives to us, days which are filled with all kinds of blessings. I feel heartless to continue on living, of loving life, but it is also wrong of me to not acknowledge the many blessings God continues to shower upon us.
So my next post will be filled with some much needed pictures, not forgetting about the Bosma family (oh no....so much to pray for yet, including that the other suspects may be found and that things become clear as to why and what has all happened), but remembering to thank God, "For this is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice in it."
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