Chapter 5 - She's Gonna Blow

I am writing this during the day. Gasp!! What happened to my "no computer when kids are up" rule?! Well, one child is sound asleep, and the other is.........sob......at school for her Kindergarten Day (which I wrote about in my last post). But I only have an hour so I better make full use of it!

We are done 4 chapters so far, and I don't know about you, but I am enjoying this book. It is filled with real life examples, making me think, pray, think, pray, as well as encouraging me along the way. I hope you are enjoying it as much as I am.

Chapter 5 - Volcanic Damage: Recognizing When You've Gone Too Far

Summary:
Julie Ann Barnhill continues the uncovering of "She's Gonna Blow" and all that entails. We have read about the fact that we are not alone, we resemble volcanoes, taken time to recognize our own warning signs as well as the hard facts of digging deep into why we blow.

In this chapter, Barnhill shifts the focus off of us and onto what, or I should say, who, our volcano eruptions damage. And that is our children, the gifts the Lord has entrusted to us.

The question really is: How Far is Too Far? Using several resources, she defines abuse:

• improper or excessive use or treatment (Merriam-Webster)
• misuse of parental power

Barnhill then makes it very plain and clear, that abuse doesn't only happen 'out there', but also in our homes, Christian homes at that. To think that people who abuse are those who don't believe in God is foolish. We need to recognize that even though as Christians we should know better, abuse does happen in our Christian homes. And the sooner we see this reality, the quicker we can be to deal with the damage we have done.

Barnhill lists three ways we, as parents, cause injury to our children's hearts and minds (don't mind the numbers....I can't get it to go 1, 2, 3....so they are all 1's):

1. Physical Abuse: Excessive and Out of Control

• she speaks of corporal punishment, but it should be a "physical action done in love, gently, with a calm and reasonable adult", an action that will train a child to obey not only his parents, but most importantly to God
• however, how often is that really done? When it is reactionary, out of a fit of rage, this is physical abuse

1. Emotional Abuse: Invisible Yet Deadly

• can be a whole lot more harmful to a child even though a hand has never been uses
• when a parent  uses his/her power to play mind games of some sort by rejecting, degrading, terrorizing and denying emotional responsiveness
• our tongues can be the most destructive weapons, using our speech to belittle, name-call, compare, curse, shame, threaten, instill guilt, give negative predictions and blame (scapegoating) our children
• moms that are hot one minute and cold the next: "disciplining with control one moment, berating and punishing the next" pg. 124

1. Spiritual Abuse

• "the misuse or neglect or both of the parental authority entrusted to us by our heavenly Father - especially the distortion of our children's perception of God and His holy character" pg. 125
• as Christians, we are to be living examples of Christ Himself to our children
• that means we are to model Him (with the Spirit's help): "kind, slow to anger, merciful, gracious, righteous, abounding in loving-kindness, a stronghold, a shield, a protector, a defender of the weak, perfect, sure, pure, true..."
• are they learning about God through how we treat them?
• how will they understand God's mercy if we don't show it to them? What about grace? Forgiveness?

This is when Barnhill brings it all together, reminding us that we are all sinners, and the only solution to our anger is our relationship with our Father. Then, and then only, do we have hope of changing our volcanic parenting to that of nurturing, encouraging parenting.

Yes, you can be angry and not sin, but letting our anger control us is sin. It is listed in Galatians 5 with other sins of the flesh, right there along with idolatry and sorcery. However, there is a remedy: confession, forgiveness, true repentance, and a renewing of the mind.

My Thoughts:
When we think of the definitions provided, we can see how easily done it is, to go too far, either physically, emotionally or spiritually. When I hear the word 'abuse', I often think of physical or emotional. I can be very quick with my tongue (which made me pick up this book in the first place!), but spiritual? I never thought of that!! That was a whole section that gave me much food for thought.

I also completely agree that you can be angry and not sin. Just look at God. There are many times in the Bible that He expresses His anger, and yet He remained/s sinless. While I agree it can be done, as a parent, this would be very difficult to maintain.

I love how, just when you feel so low about the damage done thanks to your anger, Barnhill reminds us that not all is lost when we turn to God. Like Barnhill states, our God is big!! And He only can help us with this. What comfort this is! And to finish this chapter up with 6 Bible verses to meditate on is so encouraging. She brings it all back to the Word.

Your Thoughts:
What about you....have you ever thought of the concept of spiritual abuse?

Do you find yourself going from one extreme to the other, leaving your kids confused as to who they are dealing with, which makes them often retreat?

And a question straight from the book: What lessons about God are your children learning by the way you treat them?

Which Bible verse she has listed speaks to you the most?

Are you enjoying the book/weekly post?

Prayer Points:

• for a better awareness of how I may be abusing my children emotionally and most importantly, spiritually
• for the Holy Spirit, to help me reflect Christ to my children
• to show grace, mercy and forgiveness to my children
• to trust in God when I start to feel things building up
• for all those who have damaged their children badly, while not intending to
• thankful for the hope, grace, mercy and forgiveness I may find in my Lord and Saviour
• for His Word

Next Time:
We are finished with Part One, and will head into Part Two: Climbing to Sanity. For next Thursday, we will look at Chapter 6: The Bedrock of Truth - Exploring the Biblical Foundations for Change.

I hope this book/posts has been beneficial to you as it has been for me. While it hasn't turned into a real Book Talk (more of a monologue than a dialogue), doing this every week has held me accountable, otherwise I would have read Chapters, 1 and 2, possibly 3, and then put the book down and let it collect dust. Doing it this way, I am forced to read it. And I am so glad!!

See you soon with a much lighter post.....this blog has turned rather "heavy". Time to lighten it up a bit!! :o)

She's Growing Up!!

As you might very well know, before we were blessed with Keziah, I taught Kindergarten for 10 years. It was fun and challenging, all at once. I loved almost every day of it, but there was one day that made me the most nervous. And that was Kindergarten Day.

This was a day in May, where the future kindergarteners were sent to school to meet me, me to meet them, and for them to see what school is all about. It would usually be about 2 hours (2 very looooong hours, or 2 very short hours, depending on how the littles handled it) and then they would be sent home to grow up a bit throughout the summer before they were officially considered a Kindergarten student come September.

After a 5 year break of Kindergarten Days, I am now experiencing it again. This time however, I am on the other side. Meaning, I am the parent that will be dropping off a future kindergartener, leaving her in the hands of her very capable teacher. And the feelings I am experiencing is pretty much the exact same emotions I felt back when I was the kindergarten teacher.

Keziah is certainly ready for the challenge of what school has to offer. Knowing that I was a kindergarten teacher, some might be surprised to know that I actually have not done a whole lot with her. I did teach her her name, which she now does beautifully:

She also knows how to draw a person pretty good.....

 .....and her animals are coming (can you guess what the two animals are below?!):

Colouring is a whole other story, though. This girl does not like to colour. She loves to craft, but to colour?! No way. This is about the best we can get out of her:

But other than that, I haven't done a whole lot academically, and no, she never went to Junior Kindergarten. I have however, focussed on other things that made my day busy as a teacher, things that encouraged her to be independent - zipping zippers, cleaning up after one's self, getting dressed for outside without help etc.

That means there was lots of time left in the day for her to be, well, a kid, which was so important to me, much more important than her being able to recognize all the letters and numbers out there. Spending time with her brother, playing together and building up a relationship with him was far more important than learning how to read. Teaching her incidentally, guiding her as she experiences different life situations, helping her to learn respect and how to treat others was much more of a priority of mine than sitting her down to do paperwork. And this past year has been a joy to watch her enjoy all that life needs to be for a 4 year old:

While she may not recognize all her letters, or identify the numbers past 10, I know that she will do just fine. It has been amazing to see how she has just picked things up without being taught these concepts. I have loved watching her learn things by herself just because she is developmentally ready.

And ready she is. Here is a list of ways I know that she is ready for what school has to offer:

• Loves rhyming words and has been rhyming for almost a year (a very long year....)
• Listening for sounds at the beginning and ending of words, all on her own
• Wants to know how to spell things
• "reads" to her brother all the time
• Makes up stories that she wants me to write down for her (she draws the pictures for the story)
• Eager to learn "what time it is"
• Trying to figure out her left from her right
• Thinks Knock Knock Jokes are hilarious and the sillier the better (i.e. they make no sense)
• Plays school a lot (even though she has never been....but knows it includes a lunch bag and a knapsack)

and just in case I wasn't sure if she was ready, what she stated a few weeks ago has put all my doubts to rest:

"I wish everyone was like me."

Yup, she sounds like every other ego-centric (almost) 5 year old out there!! :o)

Chapter 4 - She's Gonna Blow!

A little late, but better than never! I was at a Kindergarten meeting tonight (more about that in another post.....sob), but it's still Thursday, so I managed to finish this post in the deadline :o)

Wow. What a chapter. I don't know about you, but I read this chapter a couple of times, almost needing to sharpen my pencil often due to all the underlining I did! There was so much good stuff in it!! I shall *try* to summarize it all, but with it being a fairly long yet very pertinent chapter, this may not necessarily look like a summary.

Chapter 4 - Underground Issues: Understanding Why She Blows

Summary:
Questions like "What mother who truly loves her child would act like I did?" and "What mother who truly loves her child would wish her away" made Julie Ann Barnhill go deep, real deep, to find out exactly why she blows. She has covered so far in her book the "how she blows", but why does she blow is something that needs to be uncovered.

Sticking with her "volcano" illustration, she writes that every volcano begins deep underground, in the upper mantle of the earth's surface, where it is the hottest and has the most pressure. And we all know what happens when the heat gets super-hot, and the pressure rises. It erupts through a weak spot in the earth's crust and spews everywhere. We are no different.

Through her research, Barnhill has uncovered a 3 point pattern which leads to explosive anger:

1. Mantle realities - deep issues that we are born with and what has happened in our past
2. Mounting pressures - family schedules, finances, other relationships, our own attitudes
3. Our precious trigger points - our dear children

She then goes into each point a little deeper, using her own experiences, which can very much sound like our own, starting with Pressures from the Past and Pressures from Within:

1. Mantle Realities
Pressures from the Past:
Barnhill recounts her past, a past that is filled with abuse, family split ups, social services and adoption. The unfortunate part for her is that she actually doesn't remember a whole lot of it, until many years later, through contact with her birth father. This contact shatters every ideal/fantasy past that she had made up in her mind, demolishing what she always thought was the truth, leaving her filled with anger, disappointment, disgust and fear.

"Chances are, your anger toward your children has its deepest roots in underground issues from your past", says Barnhill. And if those issues include physical, sexual or emotional abuse as children, the odds are against us, as history likes to repeat itself. But that doesn't mean you can't overcome them!!! It starts with forgiveness of those who have abused us, because "through forgiveness will we be truly set free."

Pressures from Within:
Our physical makeup, temperament and thought processes also affect our behaviour. Barnhill was adopted, which gives a very interesting view on nature vs. nurture. She states that she has many traits in her that has nothing to do with how she was raised, but more to do with how she was created by her Creator. Just the fact that she was created female means she needs to be more aware of hormonal changes. But we are not to see these things as excuses, but as influences. And the more we understand what influences us (recognize our weaknesses), "the more effective we can be as mothers".

2. Mounting Pressures: Cheerios Between the Toes:
Barnhill then continues on to her second point of the pattern of anger: stepping on Cheerios. Annoying and bothersome!! And when there are lots of Cheerios stuck on our feet, the ability to function in a calm, God-fearing manner goes quickly out the window. She goes on to identify a few Cheerios in our lives as mothers:

• The Family Schedule - how full is our day planner? "Time may have become the most precious commodity in the land." (Lou Harris survey asserts)
• Finances - "Money isn't important as long as you have it. When all of a sudden you don't have it - then it becomes very important."
• Discontentment and the "Shoulds" - "It's important to recognize that the way we feel and the way we act are very closely related to what we think, what we believe, and what we expect - and a lot of the anger we end up aiming at our children often grows out of faulty beliefs and expectations about the way life is supposed to be."
• Problem of Inappropriate Guilt - what we expect of ourselves as mothers of our children. That we are responsible for every action and problem of our children; it is inappropriate when we wallow in guilt over our failures; it is appropriate when it points us to God's mercy and forgiveness, helping us to confess and seek repentance.
• Anger at People who are Not your Kids - misdirected anger (eg. angry at husband but the kids get the brunt of it; disappointed in a friend, the kids feel it).

3. Your Precious Little (or Big!) Trigger Points:
Barnhill now speaks about the third point in the pattern of our anger: our children, because really, most of them know where our buttons are and how to push them, setting off a volcano eruption. It can be the things they do, things they say, and the way they are. Barnhill goes into each category, explaining a bit, using examples that we can all relate to. She comes to a remarkable conclusion that often the one who pushes your buttons is the one who is most like you!

She ends once again this long yet very informative chapter by pointing us to our Creator, the Creator who not only made us who we are, but also created our children they way they are. And He gave us those children to teach us more about Him.

Thoughts:
So many thoughts. I just loved this chapter. It hit upon many things that I could relate to, which I am sure you could as well. I have so many thoughts going through my head but will have to limit them to a few here, as this post is getting quite long (are you even still reading?!). Barnhill asks a number of questions throughout the chapter that we are to ponder, and I strongly encourage you to do that - to even write down your answers in a notebook. We need to do this if we want to address and manage our eruptions.

I could really relate to the Cheerios between the Toes, especially the Discontentment and "Shoulds" cheerio as well as the cheerio of Inappropriate Guilt.

Discontentment can be a thorn in my side and it always has been. I am embarrassed to admit this because really, I have more than what I ever wanted and needed. The saying "Comparison is the Thief of Joy" is oh so true. It is so amazing how quickly our blessings pale as soon as we compare, which makes us discontent. And this doesn't have to be material things. For example, I am often content with the two children I have......until I hear of someone having a third. Then all of a sudden the fact that I have even been blessed with two pales and I focus on what I don't have.

As for Inappropriate Guilt, boy, was I not prepared for many things parent-related, but the one that shocked me the most was the guilt that I feel - guilty for disciplining (properly); guilty for letting things go; guilty for feeding junk; guilty for not reading enough to them; guilty for being too high of expectations; guilty for too low of expectations; and well, you name it. It is constantly there!!!!

This chapter is again a very personal one, especially the first part, where she speaks about our past. Notice I didn't really write anything about that part? I am not about to put people in my past under the bus that may have influenced my childhood in a negative way. This is not the place. However, it has definitely given me food for thought!

Your Thoughts:
.Barnhill asks many good questions, ones that I hope you take the time to think about. One of them being this one:

Do you have any anger about the way God made you? Can you honestly say "thank you" to God for your mental, emotional and physical makeup? Why or why not?

Would you agree with her conclusion that the children that bug us the most are the ones that are like us?

Were you able to relate to any of the Cheerios that she mentioned? Are there others?

Any other thoughts you would like to share, knowing it may help someone else?

Prayer Points:

• forgive those in my past who have had a negative impact
• thank my Creator for making me, me
• ask Him then to help me to recognize my Cheerios and work with them
• ask Him for a heart of contentment. Just the fact that He has chosen me to be His child should be enough
• help me to live knowing I have asked for forgiveness - to learn and move on from my mistakes, not dwell on them
• for those who have had dreadful pasts that they may need to work through
• thankful for those little rug rats that do push my buttons every once in awhile

Next Time:
For next Thursday, May 29th, we will meet for Chapter 5: Volcanic Damage - Recognizing When You've Gone Too Far.

Lastly, if you are reading this....congratulate yourself!! This post was a long one (I will work on my summarizing skills....:o)

Long Weekend

We just enjoyed a very nice long weekend, thanks to Queen Victoria's birthday. Most people see this weekend as a 'go-ahead' to plant all their flowers and vegetables in their gardens without worrying about them being killed off by frost. I don't know how this year the plants will do after the May long weekend, as we are still experiencing a lot of cool weather yet.

We didn't do a whole lot of planting. Well, we didn't plant a single thing. But we were still busy with a few "firsts" for the upcoming season as well that makes us pretty excited about summer being around the corner.

The weekend started on Friday with the smell of baking bread in my home. I had found a recipe for Whole Wheat Homemade Bread (without using a machine!) and sent it to my sister, 'cause, well, she's the homemaker, not me. Or so I thought. But alas, I decided to try it as well:

Oh, can't you smell it?! So good!!! Especially eaten with homemade jam and cheese (that is not homemade....I have my limits :o)

Actually, I lied a bit. While my kids and husband can't get enough of this bread, I've had to get used to bread actually having a flavour. I'm getting there. I never realized how bland store-bought bread actually tasted! If interested, here is the recipe: Whole Wheat Bread. What I love about this recipe is no machine is needed. You can use a mixer if you'd like, but good ol' hand kneading works as well (and if you have any stress in your life, what a way to get that stress out!!). I did not use a mixer or bread machine, and it worked.

On Saturdays, I often find myself cleaning up the house. I usually do this on my own (which I really don't mind), but lately I've had some helpers, which of course makes the job lighter.....but definitely not faster! :o)

What makes a long weekend really fun is having visitors. While we did have company this weekend, we only got a picture of one. And we had the privilege of watching him enjoy what we had to offer: our fish in the pond. We actually saw him catch one and eat it whole!

The weekend ended on a very high note, one that we didn't expect to happen at all, but we are absolutely thrilled. Someone now owns the driveway very confidently....without training wheels!!

It took her all of 10 seconds to get the hang of it. Unreal!!! We give FULL credit to this little red bike we bought her a month ago - it has no pedals. So the child uses their feet until they go fast and then lift their feet up and bike. Doing it this way helps with balance, so that they get the hang of it before they go on a bike with pedals.

So proud of her!!!

(and yes, she now wears a helmet :o)

So bring on summer!! We are ready!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

see you on Thursday for our 3rd week of our Book Talk: Chapter 4. I hope to have the Talk ready by Thursday morning, but have a very busy day and night tomorrow, so I  might not be able to get the post up until Thursday evening. If you haven't started the book yet, do! It is a very easy to read book and so you will be able to catch up fairly quickly.

Chapter 2 and 3 - She's Gonna Blow!

Welcome to our second week! A little different format today due to two chapters. I'll first write a summary on both chapters, and then move onto Thoughts, Your Thoughts, Prayer Points and Next Time.

Chapter 2 - Volcanoes 101. Understanding How She Blows

Summary:
After having discovered that she would describe herself in many different ways as a mother, but the one that shocked her was the word 'angry', Barnhill continues on in Chapter 2 with a list of different types of volcanoes. She uses a volcano as an illustration of our blow ups, a very good illustration, as we all know that "a volcano explodes under pressure." She gives a description of what I know we all can relate to: "In an instant we can change from the peaceful, nourishing women we want to be into Mount Momma - spitting fire and brimstone at all who cross our path." pg. 34.

Barnhill then describes 4 different volcanos:

1. The Stombolian - eruptions are fairly short and somewhat predictable; not too much damage (or so we think) as it is just a few cinders here and there
2. The Hawaiian - "chronic, simmering anger"; anger doesn't seem all that dangerous on the surface; eruption will be verbal, words masked as innocent comments and actions but it can go on for a very long time
3. The Vulcanian - "explosion is loud, scary, and dangerous"; verbal, physical and emotional, which Barnhill call shrapnel; unpredictable and not over quickly
4. The Plinian - "most violent of eruptions due to the sheer volume of material ejected by the eruption and the sheer power of the explosion that throws it out"

After listing the types of volcanoes, Barnhill lists a few things that are damaged due to our volcanic eruptions:

• Our children's sense of security
• Our spouse's trust
• Our relationship with God

Barnhill then ends the chapter with encouragement, of reminding us that there is hope for us, no matter what volcano we may be described as. She puts forth a challenge for her readers, "to be willing to hear the truth and deal with the details...". She states what she wants from her readers, and that is that we start recognizing and understanding anger and what our triggers are.  And she reminds us of this:
"I want you to know that defusing Mount Momma is not a matter of being able to keep one more promise of control, but of giving control to the One who made you and knows your mother heart as no one else does."

Chapter 3 - Warning Signs. How to Know When You're Gonna Blow

Summary:
Barnhill starts Chapter 3 with a story of a typical drive in the car with young children, a story that has us chuckling as we've all been there, either as the parent driving the car or the child many years ago, watching mom "handling the steering with the left arm, with the right arm flailing madly over the seat - hoping to make a meaningful connection with anyone moving".

Barnhill then uses everyday dangers that have signs and signals to warn us of them (train whistles, tornado sirens etc.). The key though is that we *recognize* them as that: warning signs of danger. If we don't recognize them, they do not protect us.

She then proceeds to list 3 Warning Signs which would signal to us that we are nearing danger, volcanic eruption:

1. Swarms of Smaller Earthquakes - as moms, our days are filled with all kinds of different little earthquakes (i.e. visual annoyances like never-ending laundry, kitchen that is never completely mess-free, which are triggers to set off little quakes); each one of these by themselves aren't much in themselves, but put one after another and wham-o, an eruption is bound to happen
2. Sulfur Dioxide Emissions - "as a volcano nears eruption it will release toxic gases that can endanger human life and health"; emissions of negativity via speech and body language
3. Physical Swelling of the Slope - hard to describe except imagining what we may look like as we are about to blow it

She then points out a few physical signs of anger like tense muscles, clenched teeth, flushed face, shallow breathing, feelings of fear, helplessness, frustration, disappointment, exhaustion.

Thoughts:
Once again, while reading the two chapters, I found myself often nodding in agreement, sighing in acknowledgement and laughing during incidents that Barnhill uses to get her points across. I enjoyed the 4 different volcanoes she describes, even though I had a hard time figuring out which one fits me the best. I do believe there have been times where I could have been any of them, with the 4th one being the least. There are times where my anger seems chronic, which leaves me very unsettled and unhappy. There are also times when my explosions have been predictable as well as unpredictable.

I have noticed in my eruptions that once I cross a line, it's easier the next time to cross that line again. For example, we all know that to yell "Shut up" at our children is completely wrong. But once we've yelled it, the next time it'll be right there on the tip of our tongues and will come out a whole lot quicker than the last time.

What I have also noticed over the last 4.5 years, even before reading this book, is that the more I recognize my triggers and warning signs, my eruptions are less unpredictable. While predictable eruptions are not great, I will say that thankfully, over the last years, many unpredictable eruptions became predictable which has meant that many 'what would have been disastrous eruptions' have been diffused before exploding. And that is exactly what she talks about in Chapter 3.

I love how she uses everyday warning signs that we come across as we are out and about, that warn us of danger. Even a yellow light warns us that a red light is coming next and if we don't recognize that, an accident may very well happen. How true then it is that we also recognize the warning signs in ourselves, that a potentially dangerous explosion is around the corner, and if we don't recognize those signs, the volcano will erupt. And for everyone, those warning signs may be different.

Question 2 asks for what actions that have helped me to short-circuit my explosions. I will share a few, hoping that maybe one of them might help you. I have found that when I am ready to explode, I just need to be heard, and so I will call someone, that someone being my husband (be sure to have a couple back ups just in case your lifeline doesn't answer, which is *sure* to make that explosion happen!). Just talking with him for 2 minutes calms me right down. It also means I am separated from the situation a bit as I am holed up in my bedroom in order to talk to him.

Another action that helps but doesn't always come easy (or even done in the right way) is to pray. I have always found prayer helpful as it puts things into perspective. Hopefully over time my prayer is not one of exasperation, but has the  proper tone of reliance on my God.

Your Thoughts:
Are you able to relate to any or all of the volcanoes she has described? Has recognizing your trigger points (Chapter 1) helped you? If you have found a way that helps you to diffuse an eruption before it happening, do share!! If it worked for you, it may very well work for someone else!

Prayer Points:

• for forgiveness no matter which volcano I am
• for giving up control to God, who knows me inside out
• gratefulness for my husband. He is my Prairie to my volcano
• thankfulness for the work God has been already doing in me before this book was picked up
• for other hurting and angry moms
• for open eyes to help me to recognize my warning signs
• to recognize that even my negative body language is just as much of a sin as my negative verbal language (my children have yet to roll their eyes, but they certainly are masters of sighing, groaning, 'grrrrrring', thanks to mom).
• to be the mother He has called me to be and to do this peacefully

Next Time:
For next Thursday, May 22nd, be ready for Chapter 4 - Underground Issues. Understanding Why She Blows.

P.S. Thanks to those who have commented and emailed me after last week's post on Chapter One. You are an encouragement to me!

P.H.T.R.F.L.

I'd say it's time for another installment of some pretty, happy, thankful, real, funny and love moments from the last little while, wouldn't you? It's been awhile again. I think the amount of pictures on this post will make up for lost time :o)

Pretty:
A friend of mine gave me a hair challenge to do on Keziah's hair. Whether it looked like the challenge or not doesn't really matter.....I thought it looked pretty!

Taking the time to watch a snail makes you notice the pretty little home it carries, with the intricate swirls of colour:

 

No, he isn't pretty, but I would say he can look pretty cool (he has yet to realize how much cooler he would look without those fingers in his mouth):



Happy:
Lincoln is very happy that his friend has a Gator for him to ride!!

Seeing the buds slowly break open to let loose the green foliage leaves me happy (did you catch it? The pun?? Yes, I need to get out more..... :o)

And if the leaves coming out doesn't give proof that it's been warmer out, this will: dirty feet. Yes, dirty little feet make me happy.

Real
Remember awhile ago I mentioned I have a love/hate relationship with Lego? Yeah, I have the same feelings towards our sandbox. I LOVE it as the kids play in it for hours.....

 

.....but reality is, the sand doesn't stay in the box but ends up all over my floor. Oh well - it's so worth sweeping up!

 

Another reality is that every car key needs to be hidden in our house, or else we will have a very young driver on our hands!

 

Thankful:

Keziah is very thankful for cousins, even if that means she is outnumbered at times!!



 

I am SO thankful for that fence!!!! Water and water that has ducks in it would be just way too tempting for certain little people:

 

Funny:

This was the first time Lincoln has worn short-sleeves in over 1/2 a year. He kept asking me to pull them down for him :o)

 

Who knew that laundry hampers could be so much fun?!

 

I don't know about you, but apparently this is quite a comfortable position to be in to watch TV. I dare you to try it.

 

It was quite funny to watch Keziah try to figure out how binoculars work:

 

While Lincoln doesn't think it's funny when we take him out of the driver's seat, we do :o) He hangs on like this every time we remove him from it!

Love:

My sleeping baby:

 

I absolutely love hearing Keziah "read" to her brother in the next room, while I am in the kitchen working. And he is a very happy recipient of her imagination.

 

Life is good as we continue to grow with each other, learn from each other, and love each other. We are thankful to God also for not only the growth happening in our home, but also the growth outside, as things turn greener and flowers are blooming. What a comfort it is to know that not only did God create this world we live in, He maintains it as well. He is faithful season after season. Thank you, Lord, for Your steadfastness!!



Mother's Day

On this day, we remember our children's birth mothers, and they are that - mothers. They cared for our children for 9 very important months while knowing that their task as "mother" will end once they place their children with us. However, though the task of mothering has been passed on to me, their title remains.

The trend the last few years on Mother's Day is to be considerate for all those who may find this day difficult. And it's actually quite mind-blowing who all falls into this category:

• those who have lost their mothers
• those who have a mother but not a relationship with her
• those who are not a mother and would love to be
• those who have lost a child
• those who have a broken relationship with their child

And while I applaud the acknowledgement of the fact that Mother's Day is not an easy day for everyone, I do believe that when we remember those listed above throughout the year, then that will help ease the pain on Mother's Day. At least, that is my experience when we were childless.

So let us not only be mindful of them on this occasion, but let us hold them in our prayers all year long. But don't just leave it at that. Look for opportunities to *show* them we are thinking and praying for them in their difficult circumstance.

Praising God for carrying me through 11 Mother's Days, where some were just so agonizing and others weren't so painful due to the gift of very thoughtful people and little ones in my life. And praising Him for allowing me to enjoy 4 Mother's Days with the two children He has blessed me with.

And if that isn't enough to be thankful for, there is more! We are also very grateful that both Nathan and I enjoy the blessing of having our moms in our lives. May God continue to bless them, as both of them are in the stage of life where they are tugged here, there and everywhere, as they are not only there for their children and grandchildren, but also caring for their mothers/mother in law.

 

"If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?" -- Milton Berle

She's Gonna Blow - Chapter 1

Do you know how often I went to the blog last week to delete that post about doing this Book Talk, specifically because of what the book was about? Worrying about what others may think of me has paralyzed me on more than one occasion. But the fact that I *know* full well I am not the only one that has struggled a bit with keeping "it altogether" has kept me from hitting that button to delete.

So, off we start.

First off, welcome. I have no idea how this is going to go as I have never done this before, but we shall see. Having never done this before has made me quite nervous, but onward we shall go.

Secondly, thank you. Thank you for joining me in this. It is not easy to admit you are reading this book (which is why I don't expect a whole lot of comments, but maybe you'll surprise me :o). I do encourage you to share your thoughts (and remain anonymous if you like!) as I always find it so interesting how people can read the same chapter and yet take different things from it.

The format we will do will look like this: Summary, Thoughts, Your Thoughts, Points of Prayer, and Next Time. This format might very well change, depending on how things go.

Introduction and Chapter One - How Did I Get Here?

Summary:
Julie Ann Barnhill starts off her book with the words you have never been alone. She had been given an opportunity to speak at a lecture hall, to present "She's Gonna Blow" to 100s of women. And what she found out through that experience is what she wants to tell us: you are not alone.

No, you are not the only one that has a built-up frustration toward your children. You and I are not the only ones that have blown it and now question what do I do now?

And so that is the purpose of this book, to tackle that question. In Barnhill's words "it's a practical guide for anyone who is wrestling with the down-to-earth and often infuriating realities of being a mom. It's also a loving message from a mother who's blown it more times than she can count - but who, with God's grace, is finally learning how to handle her anger better." pg.  12

She ends the Introduction with a beautiful text, verses from Ps. 103. She reminds us that God, our Father, has seen our struggles and our tears, and He is there within our reach. Despite us feeling like we are not worthy of God's grace and mercy, He ultimately continues to give it.

Chapter One begins with a funny story of how Barnhill came to the point of unwelcoming discoveries about motherhood, bringing along anger and really blowing it. She points out that "motherhood was to be the impetus of monumental changes in my life".  She recounts another incident with her lovely daughter, an incident that I am sure we have all found ourselves in. She admits how she reacted to her daughter in anger which made her really question: what kind of mother am I?

She describes what she *thought* she would be as a mother, before she had her first child, to what she actually *is* as a mother, now that she had children. One of those descriptive words of herself was the term 'angry' - "yelling, screaming, or acting out in an uncontrolled manner", a word she would never have used to describe herself before having children.

Coming to terms with this has meant admittance (at her Bible Study) as well as understanding how much damage she was capable of while blowing up, and what she resembles: Mount Momma, a volcanic mountain.

Thoughts:
I picked this book off my shelf a few weeks ago after a less than stellar momma moment - yelling at my children, grinding my teeth in frustration, clenching my hands until my knuckles turned white, all at the same time (oh, believe me, you can grind your teeth and yell at the same time....). I knew this had to stop, that this just was not acceptable. Not in my children's eyes, my eyes, and especially not in God's eyes.

As a mother, I set the tone for my home. If I am angry, everyone knows it, and before I know it, my whole family is walking around, being snippy at each other. Like the saying goes, "If momma ain't happy, no one is happy.". And unfortunately, this statement can't be more true.

So, "how did I get here"? It's funny (well, not really), but I thought I would be that calm mother, one full of gentleness yet firm. I mean, I was a teacher after all, for 10 years!! Being with children was my career, and not once in 10 years did I blow it to a point that I was out of control. So I figured with 10 years experience, I would know how to handle most things in a harmonious way. HA!!!!!

There have definitely been times where I had lost it, only to reflect back that I looked no different than my two year old, who also had lost it. Aren't I the adult?! What kind of mother am I?! And that night would leave me sleepless as the guilt would assail me, as well as self-destruction, beating myself up for being such a crappy mother and like Barnhill wrote, finding myself promising that I will never, ever do that again.

After reading Chapter One, I have come to admit many of my trigger points. I will mention three:

1. Being lonely and bored. Yes, while I complain out of one side of my mouth that I never get a moment to myself, I state that I can become lonely. This usually is attributed to not being busy enough. Thanks to talking with my sister, I have come to realize that my being lonely means I am not doing enough to serve either my family or those outside of my family. And when I am bored/lonely, I easily get frustrated and discontent. And guess who gets the brunt of this discontentment? Using Proverbs 31 as an example, my sister reminded me lovingly to take a look at that woman and see why she was not bored or lonely (the Bible warns of idleness often, and for very good reason).
2. The consequence of being bored/lonely means I go on the computer, on Facebook, read blogs, read articles etc. But then I get totally ripped off when one of the kids interrupt me while I am busy reading "important" things. I knew this was a trigger for quite some time, and so after reading Chapter One, I have set a new rule in place: absolutely no computer from the time the kids get up to the time they go to bed at night. And it has been two weeks since this rule has been put into place and my, how liberating it is! Yes, I have broken it once or twice, but it was very easy to put back into place again as I so enjoyed the freedom of it (so silly, eh?!). I do have a blackberry which has my emails, but I do not know how to use the internet on it. And it'll remain this way. But let me tell you, not only has it helped me from lashing out at my children, it's amazing how much time I have to clean the house now!! ;o)
3. Another trigger is when I feel there is no way out of a situation. An example: I can not handle a crying baby/child in the car. I feel stuck as I can't just pull over or help the child, and so my chest starts restricting and I get anxious and panicky. The result? I lose it.

Your Thoughts:
I am pretty sure I won't hear a whole lot of thoughts here, but I know you have them!! :o) Share them if you are comfortable (even under 'anonymous'). Let me know what you think of the book so far, what stuck out for you in what we've read in Chapter One. What are your thoughts as you consider "How did I get here?"? Possibly you'd like to share an answer or two from the questions at the end of the chapter. And any encouragement/tips you have found that has helped you is also greatly appreciated.

Prayer Points:
I'd like to end each discussion with points of prayer, as we know we can't do anything on our own. We can read all the 'self-help' books out there to become a "better" person, but it just won't work without knowing who we are, who we belong to and Who we need. And so, the following are my prayer points for the week:

• thankful to God for placing very important people in my life who support me, especially my husband (that man is amazing!!!) and close friends who I can go to for help
• thankful that being a mother or wife does not identify me, but being a child of God does
• help in remembering that exact point: I am a child of God and so I have purpose: to glorify Him in *all* that I do
• help me to let go of guilt and to move on
• to help us listen to each other and support each other without judgment
• to help me recognize my triggers and then to give me the strength to do what I have to do to eliminate those triggars
• thankful for the two wonderful, beautiful treasures He has given to me

Next Time:
We will meet next Thursday to discuss Chapter Two AND Chapter Three. Be prepared to know your volcanoes!! :o)

And It's May!!

Yay for May!

While Spring is ever so slowly showing itself, we are enjoying the snow-free outdoors a whole lot! To be able to send your kids outside and that they actually stay outside longer than 3 minutes (compared to winter) is just such a wonderful thing.

Spring does mean 'rain' and so there are times where playing outside is not an option. But who doesn't mind playing inside when you have a big box to play in?!

This box has been in the house now for 2 weeks, and what fun they have had with it! Some days it is a house (with a door AND a door knob!!)

and other days it is flipped over to be a boat.

 

It is even large enough to invite friends over!

However, as nice as that box is to play with, we are eager to be outdoors more and more as the weather gets warmer. And Nathan is making sure we will have a pool to enjoy once that warm weather arrives! Thanks, love!!!

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So? Have you ordered your book yet? It's not too late! And if you have it, we will look at the Preface and Chapter 1 this Thursday. And if you have no idea what I am talking about, you can check it out here. See you Thursday!!