Adoption Bliss, No?

When people found out that we could not have a biological child, they often asked us in quite an enthusiastic way, "So, are you going to adopt?!" Their faces would contain big eager smiles, including excitement in their eyes, thinking that to adopt would just be so cool! Well, cool and exciting to them, yet apparently not cool or exciting enough to actually pursue adoption themselves! (not yet or never will). But I already digress, and I am not even done the first paragraph.

So you can imagine then the elation they expressed when we did share that yes, after many years of living as a family of two, and with lots of prayer, we have decided to go the Adoption Route.

Within the year of deciding to look into adoption (9 months from looking into it to the day she was born), a beautiful darling little girl was placed into our arms. What a gift! A blessing from God!

So much joy was shared with us by so many - a joy that is just so hard to describe. But it was there. It was palpable.

Our baby came home at 4 days old, can't really get too much newer than that :o) As the days having her turned into weeks, and the weeks turned into months, I often would hear statements like,

• "Wow, Keziah is just so blessed to have you and Nathan as parents."
• "Michelle, you are such a great mom. The love your students received was great, and now little Keziah will get it all!"
• "You must be over the moon and just filled with so much joy!"

People were just so happy for us. But you know what? Every time someone would say something along those lines above, a sharp pain would start in my heart; my chest would constrict and I would have a hard time breathing. Why, you ask?!

Well, I am going to admit something that I haven't done with too many people, and I most certainly didn't say anything or admit a word about this while struggling.

But before I do this, I want to write a disclaimer: how I felt had nothing to do with Keziah - she just happened to be my firstborn. I know I would have experienced what I did no matter who was our first baby.

Okay. Deep breath. Here goes:

Huh?! Is there even such a thing?! Post Adoption Depression?! Seriously? What's next, you ask. Man, there's a diagnosis for everything, isn't there?! How real could this actually be?

Oh, my reader, it absolutely is out there. In fact, just google it. That's actually how I, er, Nathan, figured out that it was exactly what I was going through: Adoption Blues.

It is real and it is hard. And so difficult to explain and be understood! 

Adoption Blues?! Isn't that kind of like an oxy-moron?

After all, we went after adoption, didn't we?  We pursued it! We prayed for a baby! We *knew* that the goal of going down the adoption route was to receive a baby.  We went through years of tears of seeing everyone else receiving babies while we didn't, so what's this about adoption blues?!

How in the world is it possible that one can get blue after receiving something they have spent months and years working and praying for?!

Well, I did. I got it and it hit me hard! But you know what one of the hardest parts was? Denying it! I denied it for various reasons, one of them being that I was just so afraid that God would get frustrated with me and take back the gift He gave me. I was so frightened that He would take my "blues" as my being ungrateful. So I lived in fear of Him taking Keziah away through a terrible accident, with her losing her life.

The other reason I didn't dare speak of what I was struggling with was because I was so worried about people's reactions 

Person: "How's it going,  Michelle? Can you believe you actually have a baby? Isn't this the best??! Isn't life amazing now?!"

Me: "Ummmm, well, I certainly love her, but wow, I just can't stop crying......and I haven't even given birth! Yet I feel my hormones are all over the place!! Being a mom is just so hard! I have no idea what I am doing. "

Person: "What did you expect?! I mean, you wanted to adopt, didn't you? So you mean to say you aren't thankful now that you have what you have wanted for so long?! How could you be struggling with a gift that you've prayed for?"

And so there I went, meeting and greeting people with a false smile plastered on my face, answering that first question with "Yes! I am loving it! This is just so amazing!!", feeling like the biggest liar because the night before I was sobbing in the rocking chair at 2:30 in the morning, holding my sweetheart of a baby, not knowing whether I was coming or going, while my darling husband was googling my "symptoms", trying to figure out what has gotten into his wife.

So, what was really was so hard about Adoption that it would trigger Post Adoption Blues? What are the symptoms? How does one get through it?

You'll have to wait till next time......

PS. that worry of peoples' reactions? Yeah, it's what I am now trying to keep at bay as I put this out there, 6 years later. I ask that you don't judge. Please pray - not for me, but for those who may very well be going through this right now.

How's the Boy Managing?

Well, the first term (out of three) of school for Keziah is pretty much completed already. Report cards will be handed out in a week or two. I don't think there will be too many surprises on her report card: she is sailing along nicely......not at the top of her class, nor at the bottom. Schoolwork is certainly not her favourite thing to do, as she would rather craft or play all day long. But she is starting to read a bit and that is getting her excited!

With the first term under her belt, that means Lincoln has been on his own all that time as well. So, how is he faring? Has he become used to her being gone every day? Is he surviving?!?!

It certainly took him awhile to get used to not having a playmate. He still asks me to play with him at least 4 times a day, which isn't too bad considering 2 months ago it was 24 times a day!

But he is learning to keep busy "fixing" things for me, playing with his cars, building train tracks, going on pretend picnics (hence all his bags in the one picture), having friends over, and reading books. LOTS of books :o)

 

 

 

 

 

 

We do try to do something every day, whether that be going to the gym, go for a walk, go to the Early Years Centre or visit a friend/have a friend over. Or else 4 o'clock just takes way too long for him (and then for me). And although he's adjusting, seeing his dear sister come off the bus is by far his most favourite part of the day. She comes in, empties her school bag and then I don't see them till suppertime, as they catch up on lost play time together. 

 

 

 

God has blessed these two with quite a relationship - one that we hope and pray continues to grow as they get older. Sure, they have their moments, but for the most part, they are a unit. We are blessed to witness this.

Never Grow Up!

At the end of October, Keziah had a few days off from school due to our teachers having a 2 day convention. We took advantage of that and took the kids to Rochester, New York, where they have an amazing Children's Museum. We went two years ago, but they got more enjoyment out of it now that they are two years older.

Although it wasn't an overly long drive, we knew staying in a hotel would be such a highlight for the kids. Sure enough, they loved it! In fact, Nathan and I didn't even have our shoes off before each bed was claimed by a kid. They seriously thought they each would get their very own bed. Ha!!!

 

The next morning, once we were done running after our pillows which were blown out of our car and down the parking lot, thanks to some gusty winds, we got to the Museum.

And so the fun began. I believe every single button was pushed by this boy. Finally, FINALLY he was allowed to push buttons without getting yelled at!

 

 

Keziah has an amazing imagination and is so creative, so this place was just up her alley as well.

 

 

 

 

Some other highlights were the kid-sized grocery store, where the kids could buy 5 things and ring them through.

 

 

 

 

 

Being apart of a Sesame Street show! (just kidding.....)

 

 

 

Service with a smile.....and a bit of "who needs tongs when hands work just as well?!"

 

 

 

So much to do. So much to see. So much to craft. Keziah could have stayed a few more hours, but after 4 hours, Lincoln was done.

 

 

We ended with Keziah going on the Carousel. Lincoln would have nothing to do with it. Rides are not his thing.

 

 

It was so fun to spend time together, adventuring and exploring. The kids had a great time, as did mom and dad. We all slept very well that night and then drove home the next day. We are thankful and humbled by the very fact that we get to go to these kinds of places with our own children.

Your Kids are Grown Up....Now what?!

I was speaking with someone recently - a much loved wife, mother, grandmother. A woman who holds all the titles that many little girls grow up to want to be. And while she holds all those titles (plus more, including a daughter of the King, a sister in the Lord!), she expressed that a restlessness can seep in. A feeling of "I am done raising my kids, now what?! Am I even needed by my kids anymore?? Why was I not prepared for this part of motherhood??"

I don't know about you, but when I was a little girl, I couldn't wait to get married and have kids. But every time I pictured my future family (6 boys no less!), my children were always little; always around the age of 7 and down. You know how naive I was then, for I pictured it to be peaceful, calm, full of organization, and love. Don't forget, I was picturing myself as a mother of 6 boys! All 7 and under!! HA!!! Yup, naive. :o)

Anyway, my point is - I never pictured myself with teens, or further yet, with my adult children. It was always "I can't wait to have kids" and those kids just never grew up in my mind. Yet we all know that children do grow up (the ones the Lord does not take back to Himself in childhood). They don't stay little for long - even when you are in the trenches of toddlerhood it feels like they will never grow up. And when they are done growing up, does that mean they no longer need mom? And that mom doesn't need them??

So here I find myself, talking with a dear woman whose children have grown up, left the nest, married, and started having families of their own. While she has had many years of her children needing her and her time, she has come to a place in her life that her children just don't need her as much (if at all), and certainly don't need her like they did for so many years.

And *that* my friends, is a hard thing to grasp. It's a transition that can be very difficult to maneuver through, to navigate. To be at peace with.

Sure, she knows her children "need" her, but really, they are now relying on their spouse in life, not Mom. This is something that she wasn't prepared for! Yes - she wanted her children to grow up and be mature citizens of God's kingdom, self-sufficient adults! And they are! But now what is her role? What does "to be needed" look like now as a mother of grown children?

When you've gone through years of being needed and now you are sitting in an empty nest with your needy children having turned into independent adults, that can leave a mother floundering. While on one hand she sits back and gives thanks to God for where her children are in life, there is a part of her that wants to cry out: please, my children!! Call me! Need me! Chat with me! I am here now......not forever! So use me! Let me hear your voice! Just because you have grown up, I am still your mother! I want to be needed yet!

But don't confuse 'need' with "babysitter". Sure, your mother loves your kids, but having her babysit your kids is not the only way to show you need her. She loves YOU. It is YOU she wants to hear from; it is YOUR life she would like to know about; how things are going....not because she is nosy, or wants to give her input (even though that often happens......just part of being a mother :o) ).

So let's do this! Let's not *tell* our mom we need her, let's SHOW her!! Let's take the time, while she is still here, to let her know that not only do we need her, we want her still as our mom.

How?

Well, there is a saying out there: Kids spell LOVE like this: Time.

But actually, that statement is wrong. It's not just kids that spell love with the letters t-i-m-e. We *all* spell love like that. So do that - spend time with her. How could we not? Do we even realize how much time she has invested in us while we grew up?! How then can we just kind of forget about her?

I am so thankful to have talked with this woman, as God has used her to open my eyes up in regards to whether I have made my mother (and Nathan's mother) feel needed and wanted. That I need her and want her to be a part of my life, and not just to babysit my kids.

Time to pray about this and thank God for our mothers.

Let's enjoy and appreciate our mothers, recognizing what they are to us: still our moms. Let us make sure she knows that although we are all grown up, she is still very much needed and wanted.

So I ask you (and myself!):

when was the last time you called (not texted, but called) your mother? And not because you need her to babysit for you, but that you actually called, well, just because?

It's the Month....

that is very close to our hearts:

I have written plenty about it in the last number of Novembers. If you haven't read and are interested in reading those posts about it, you can find it on the side under the label "Adoption".

I have a few topics up my sleeve to write about for this year, but if there is something you are wondering as well, do shoot me a message! After all, education dispels fear!

Awareness is huge, which is what I want to promote. While I firmly believe that adoption is not for everyone, I do think it is very important that all couples/families should take time to pray, talk and consider adoption and foster care.

So for now, while I formulate my thoughts about what to write about in regards to Adoption (and give you some time to let me know if you have something you may want to know), I encourage you to pray about this very tough yet valuable topic of adoption and foster care.

Autumn!

Although it is November, we have been experiencing some amazing weather. Like plus 20 degree Celsius weather. Not just for one day either, but for four. FOUR days in a row!!!! And you can bet your booties, I am enjoying every. single. moment of it, 'cause I know what is coming next.........my daughter's favourite season and my dreaded season. Winter. Well, if winter was for 1 month, it wouldn't be so dreaded, but yeah, not where we live! We get to have winter for minimum 5 months! Yippee-I-aye!!

In the last few weeks, we've been able to enjoy a few hikes with friends, observing God's creativity around us. The colours. The animals. The smells. The sounds. Autumn is just such a beautiful season.

 

 

There were lots of these guys, much to the kids' delight!

 

And cool looking prints in the mud.

A year ago I cried because it was snowing. But not this year!! We will continue to enjoy our days outside, where it is warm enough to wear just an undershirt apparently (yes, he *is* wearing an undershirt.....you just can't really see where it starts or ends, thanks to him losing what little tan he had from the summer :o)

And while I bemoan the fact that Winter is coming, I am thankful for God's faithfulness in the changing of the seasons, year after year. Autumn is not the only season where He shows His creativity; He does the same in Winter. Hard to see it sometimes when it can be so grey, cold and blustery, but all of that is from His hands as well.

I am thankful for a God that not only has the weather and seasons in His hands, but has me as well. While I don't look so forward to Winter as it can affect me, I go into the season with confidence and comfort, knowing He is there with me every wintry day. May you feel His presence wherever you are as well, no matter the Season of Life you are in!