Your Kids are Grown Up....Now what?!

I was speaking with someone recently - a much loved wife, mother, grandmother. A woman who holds all the titles that many little girls grow up to want to be. And while she holds all those titles (plus more, including a daughter of the King, a sister in the Lord!), she expressed that a restlessness can seep in. A feeling of "I am done raising my kids, now what?! Am I even needed by my kids anymore?? Why was I not prepared for this part of motherhood??"

I don't know about you, but when I was a little girl, I couldn't wait to get married and have kids. But every time I pictured my future family (6 boys no less!), my children were always little; always around the age of 7 and down. You know how naive I was then, for I pictured it to be peaceful, calm, full of organization, and love. Don't forget, I was picturing myself as a mother of 6 boys! All 7 and under!! HA!!! Yup, naive. :o)

Anyway, my point is - I never pictured myself with teens, or further yet, with my adult children. It was always "I can't wait to have kids" and those kids just never grew up in my mind. Yet we all know that children do grow up (the ones the Lord does not take back to Himself in childhood). They don't stay little for long - even when you are in the trenches of toddlerhood it feels like they will never grow up. And when they are done growing up, does that mean they no longer need mom? And that mom doesn't need them??

So here I find myself, talking with a dear woman whose children have grown up, left the nest, married, and started having families of their own. While she has had many years of her children needing her and her time, she has come to a place in her life that her children just don't need her as much (if at all), and certainly don't need her like they did for so many years.

And *that* my friends, is a hard thing to grasp. It's a transition that can be very difficult to maneuver through, to navigate. To be at peace with.

Sure, she knows her children "need" her, but really, they are now relying on their spouse in life, not Mom. This is something that she wasn't prepared for! Yes - she wanted her children to grow up and be mature citizens of God's kingdom, self-sufficient adults! And they are! But now what is her role? What does "to be needed" look like now as a mother of grown children?

When you've gone through years of being needed and now you are sitting in an empty nest with your needy children having turned into independent adults, that can leave a mother floundering. While on one hand she sits back and gives thanks to God for where her children are in life, there is a part of her that wants to cry out: please, my children!! Call me! Need me! Chat with me! I am here now......not forever! So use me! Let me hear your voice! Just because you have grown up, I am still your mother! I want to be needed yet!

But don't confuse 'need' with "babysitter". Sure, your mother loves your kids, but having her babysit your kids is not the only way to show you need her. She loves YOU. It is YOU she wants to hear from; it is YOUR life she would like to know about; how things are going....not because she is nosy, or wants to give her input (even though that often happens......just part of being a mother :o) ).

So let's do this! Let's not *tell* our mom we need her, let's SHOW her!! Let's take the time, while she is still here, to let her know that not only do we need her, we want her still as our mom.

How?

Well, there is a saying out there: Kids spell LOVE like this: Time.

But actually, that statement is wrong. It's not just kids that spell love with the letters t-i-m-e. We *all* spell love like that. So do that - spend time with her. How could we not? Do we even realize how much time she has invested in us while we grew up?! How then can we just kind of forget about her?

I am so thankful to have talked with this woman, as God has used her to open my eyes up in regards to whether I have made my mother (and Nathan's mother) feel needed and wanted. That I need her and want her to be a part of my life, and not just to babysit my kids.

Time to pray about this and thank God for our mothers.

Let's enjoy and appreciate our mothers, recognizing what they are to us: still our moms. Let us make sure she knows that although we are all grown up, she is still very much needed and wanted.

So I ask you (and myself!):

when was the last time you called (not texted, but called) your mother? And not because you need her to babysit for you, but that you actually called, well, just because?