Scenerios

"MOM!!!! Come and see this!" Yelled on the top of the lungs, through the house.

"I want my mom!!!" Said when child gets hurt.

"Who is her mother?" Asked at a doctor's office.
"I am."

"I don't want you to do it, I want my mom to do it." Said at a friend's house.

"Mommmmmmmmyyyyyy" Said after not seeing mom due to a day at school.

"That's my mom!" Said with a note of claim to a friend.

What do the above scenarios have in common? They were all scenarios that would put a knife through my heart before we were gifted children by God.

I would hear this day in and day out as a teacher and as a person who had friends that were moms long before me.

So often I would hear a child exclaim excitement that only mom was allowed share in it first.

Seeing my friend busy, I would offer to help a child, only to be told that I am not allowed to by the child because I was not his mom.

I would see the glee on my students' faces whenever mom walked into the classroom. Up until that point, I was everything. But once mom walked in, I got bumped.

I  have overheard the pride in a child's voice when they laid claim of their mother to their new found friends at the playground.

Not every time, but many a time, it would twist my gut. It was so painfully obvious that no matter how much I loved the little people in my life, and they loved me - my nieces, my nephews, my students, my friends' kids - when it came down to it, I just was *not* their mom.

Don't get me wrong - that excitement for their mom was rightly placed. That need of wanting only mom to help was normal and expected. Despite it often hurting so much that I was naturally bumped, I was also thankful to witness this relationship between a mother and her child. It made me long for it as well.

That is why now my heart is often in my throat. My eyes are often flooded. My breath is snatched away from me.

By the grace of God, all those scenarios mentioned above, plus so, so many more, now include ME and my children.

When Keziah comes off the bus or meets me at school and cries out, "Mommmmmmyyyy!!", I am still struck with "Is a child really calling out to me?! Really?! My very own?!".

When Lincoln is tired, or lonely, or nervous and all he wants is me, his mom, I can't help but take him up in my arms.

When we are walking in a parking lot, and both children quietly slip their little hands into mine, I want the time to stop so that I can just savour this moment for longer.

And when I tuck them into bed one last time before I go to bed, and they sleepily look up and say, "Mom. I love you." with sweet-smelling breath, my heart lodges in my throat and tears form in my eyes, and I just want to snuggle them forever.

Yes, God has blessed me beyond measure in many things, one of them being my children. He has used my children to bring me closer to Him, to look to Him for wisdom, encouragement and strength.

I  pray daily for those who find themselves hurting, outside of the above scenarios, praying, wishing, desiring to one day have their own mother-child scenes, or scenarios that include more than one child. May God be your source of comfort.

I praise and thank God for these treasured gifts and continue to pray that He may bless me as their mother - that I may do my best to teach, guide and nurture these two blessings to the honour and glory of His Name. I certainly mess up many times (as you will know by reading this blog), however, with the help of God, my dear husband and lots of forgiveness and grace mixed in there, we are able to enjoy so many scenarios that build up our relationship between mother and children. How blessed am I!

Been Busy.....Refocusing!

With Spring in the air (it actually felt like summer today!!), you can't help but see the earth around you rejuvenated and refreshed, becoming alive again.

And this is exactly what I've been busy with as well the last number of weeks: a big part that needed to be rejuvenated, refreshed and refocused in my life was my parenting. My parenting of a 3 year old.

I couldn't be talking about this handsome blue-eyed innocent looking boy, am I?!?!

Still think he is so innocent looking??! :o)

After a few weeks of frustration and not getting anywhere, thanks to my lack of parenting skills (well, it sure felt like it!), my best friend gave me a book, a book that has totally refocused my parenting from "I am not really liking you right now" to "Man, I enjoy being with you!". And no, it wasn't him that changed first - it was ME! I had to change my ways, my attitude and my actions. And this book helped me to do that (as well as a lot of humbling prayer).

I highly, highly, recommend this book! It put enjoyment back into my parenting, changing the atmosphere in our home from one of frustration to one of pleasure..

Because really, he *IS* such a joy.....so full of life! Those blue eyes show so much expression.

He is a lot of fun and I am so thankful to have had my eyes opened and my parenting rejuvenated. Have I mentioned I highly recommend that book?! ;o)

This boy is a gift to our family - one we are so blessed to have. As is his blessing of a sister.

Hypocrite

I knew it. I just knew it. I should have known I spoke too soon.

Remember my last post - about being thankful (and proud) for being sane at the end of the week? Well, it's

I pushed "Publish" too soon. About two hours later, late in the afternoon, it all fell apart. It's amazing how you can have such a great week, but then lose all of that in just 10 minutes or less. And that is exactly what happened.

I am sure you can imagine what it looked like, and so I will spare you all the details. This meltdown resulted in tears and apologies that needed to be said - mostly by the biggest kid. Me.

Those not-so-proud-mom moments seem to stick with me much longer than all the other enjoyable moments of the week, even working at erasing them. They keep me awake at night, as I wrestle with my failings as a mom.

If you aren't sure how you are fairing as a parent, just listen to your children for a bit,  how they interact with each other, how they handle stress, their reactions to a "no", their tone etc. They are such good "mirrors" - imaging what they see as examples. Us. After awhile, you will notice that they sound very much like us.

 Earlier in the week, I was chuckling as I overheard Keziah say to Lincoln:
"Lincoln, I told you to leave the door alone. You need to listen the first time."

Where do you think she heard that before?! It made me laugh to hear her!! It was somewhat gratifying, making me feel kind of proud, that she was parroting me.

But then, after the big meltdown Friday afternoon, just as Nathan walked in the door (of course!), I needed a time out, and so I sent myself to my room. Seriously.

And that is when I heard how else she sounded like me. And this time I was NOT chuckling. I was not proud. I did not feel honoured that she was a little me in those moments where things were out of her control.

Instead, I laid there, listening with shameful tears making wet trails down my cheeks. It was such a true and humble moment. I could not help but face the fact that she sounded like she did because she has learned from 'the best'.

And that left me this weekend with the question:

Why do I expect certain behaviours from my children when I don't even exhibit them myself?!

It is so true.  I expect my children to interact with each other respectfully and kindly. And if one is doing something that bothers the other, then words need to be used in a firm voice - definitely not by yelling at them. How am I doing with this? Just ask my children.

I expect my children to be able to handle that not everything goes their way. And if it doesn't, I expect them to handle it gracefully. Me? Fail.

I have often said to my children in stressful moments: you need to learn to handle it or toughen up. Ha. Ask my husband to see how I am faring with this (on second thought, please don't ask him).

See why I titled this post: Hypocrite?

So where does that leave us? To stew and label everything as failure? To give up? To throw my hands up in the air and say "I am not cut out for this, I don't know what I was thinking?" To wave the surrender flag and hide out under my covers?

No. None of that solves it, as we all know. Instead of focussing on the negative things we are teaching our children, or sit there smugly about the "positive" things they are learning from our influence, we can show to them that we also need help; that we cannot do this parenting thing on our own; that we need forgiveness, not just from them, but most especially from God.

I pray that the Lord will use these difficult moments on this journey of parenting, to teach my children that I am no better than them and that I need God just as much as I "preach" it to them that they need God.  I want them to know that I am not perfect. That doesn't mean putting myself down in front of them (that's one quick way to lose respect from my children!), but what I mean is, I want them to know that I cannot be the mother that I am called to be without the help of God. And that I am so totally dependent on Him. If I don't show them that I need God in my life, how are they going to learn that they need Him day by day?

Prayer is a powerful tool, one that we use numerous times throughout the day. And usually once things have calmed down after a big meltdown, we sit and chat together, speaking about what happened and what we can do with it. This conversation often leads to what we will pray for: forgiveness, help, wisdom and thankfulness for each other. And then we move on, resting in the comfort of the grace He has given us. That He has compassion on us by forgiving our shortcomings as parents. And when we realize the grace and mercy we've been given by our Father, we will be encouraged by the Holy Spirit to extend grace and mercy to our children as well.

Does that mean that is the end of meltdowns? That I have learned to be the perfect parent? That we always speak to each other calmly, and with a friendly tone, even when the other is frustrating us? That we all are now able to handle any bump in the road with the most graceful attitude?

Do I even need to answer these questions? If you want an answer, just be a fly on my wall for one day (and you thought I shared a lot on this blog - ha, believe or not, there's a lot that isn't mentioned :o), and you'll find out quick enough that God is continually teaching me to lean on Him, a lesson that needs to be repeated. Often.

But I wake up and start my day with these words, words I cling to:
"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
His mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness."
Lamentations 3: 22, 23

August Learnings

Please tell me this is not the last month of summer!!! Sigh. Time just keeps on ticking. Good thing we are trying our best to enjoy every moment, learning along the way.

Lincoln learned that the Library doesn't only have Strawberry Shortcake movies, but TRUCK movies too!!

We learned we aren't the only turkeys living on our property. We've discovered this flock of wild turkeys milling about and so far they have no plans on leaving!!

I learned that when hosting a baby shower, Keziah likes to be included. I set up the chairs, left the room to get the coffee going, came back, and noticed an extra chair was added :o)

Lincoln learned how to take his sleep sack off while he should be sleeping. Thankfully he hasn't discovered how to take his diaper off. Yet.

I learned that the number of my children grows from 2 to 3 when the Lego comes out:

Lincoln learned what an ipad is all about. He watched it once and now every time daddy enters the room, Lincoln runs looking for the ipad while yelling "ipad! ipad!"

Keziah learned that her great uncle John is a fantastic story teller

I learned it is never too late to give a birthday card. Especially when it contains money!! (I was 2 and 3 months late for their birthday. Or 8 and 9 months early....:o)

Speaking of birthdays, I learned that I will probably never get hired to wrap presents:

Keziah learned how stale the candies are from the candy canisters at the store:

Lincoln learned to hide quickly when he hears me say "Time to get pajamas on!"

I learned you can never be too safe riding a bike, baby and all!

Lincoln and Keziah learned it is hard to choose a flavour of ice cream:

Keziah is learning to "read" books to her brother. Lincoln is learning to sit through a whole book. I am learning to sneak a picture (still haven't learned how to prevent my heart from turning into a puddle....):

Lincoln finally learned how to climb down the playground steps!!

Keziah learned that having a butterfly coloured on her face isn't so bad after all. I learned that the reason why she finally wanted this done is because I didn't use the words "face painting" but "face colouring".

We learned you can make a lot of things out of sand other than castles:

I learned that the next time we take the kids for a walk by the lake, I should have extra clothes for Lincoln. Walking by the lake quickly turned into walking in the lake:

Lincoln learned that daddy is harder to pull down into the water than he thought:

I learned a very sane lesson, and that is, when it is time to help Lincoln with feeding himself, use another spoon. I've always taken his spoon away from him to use which results in a very upset boy. Now, I let him hold his own spoon while I finish up his food with him using a different spoon.

Keziah is learning to listen for particular words during Bible reading. When she hears the word, she puts up her hand:

Lincoln of course is learning right along with her (not having a clue why he's putting up his hand, but he figures his sister is, so why can't he?!)

Keziah and Lincoln learned how tasty brown sugar and tomatoes are. Me? Not. What a waste of brown sugar.

I learned you don't need to play a whole lot of soccer to earn a medal and certificate!

Lincoln learned to say "No!!!", finger and all!

And Keziah learned that duct tape CAN be fashionable!! I learned that if the poor girl needs to wear it all the time for her warts, spending the extra money on her two favourite things (pink and zebra) is so worth it!

And on to September we march. Cooler weather is in the air! Time for soups, sweaters and stampot!!

July Learnings

31 days in a month = a lot of learnings.

Lincoln is learning to garden. Unsupervised.

I learned that the size of the crown doesn't need to be large in order for a little girl to feel like a princess.

Lincoln learned what a time-out was all about (breaks my heart......punishing is so not fun!)

I learned how to work the BBQ. Not too bad for my first time!!

Lincoln has learned how to hang onto the edge of the pool and just lay in the water. My heart goes into my throat every time, but here he is, laughing away:

I learned that Lincoln absolutely LOVES mac'n'cheese.....

....and Keziah absolutely does not!

I learned that if it's a rainy day and the kids can't go outside to play, give them a flashlight, which will occupy them for quite some time.

They also learned to have indoor picnics, all orchestrated by the big sister.

I had a tough lesson this month: I learned that I am allergic to poison ivy. Wow. Mosquito bites are nothing compared to the itch of a poison ivy rash. And I didn't even have a bad case of it!

The kids learned not to bother mom when she is on kijiji. It usually means she is finding great deals for them!!

We learned that you can make any campsite look homey. Somewhat. (we have never been on such a crummy campsite as we were on this time).

Nathan and I learned that a little mold under the sink usually means a lot of mold under the sink and other cupboards. Thankfully, it is all gone now.

Keziah learned how to do a cannonball off the diving board, thanks to her daddy.

In the last weeks, Lincoln has learned to play very well with his cars and trucks. With intense concentration, he lines them all up. Once they are all lined up, he takes them one by one and lines them all up on another surface. This will keep him busy for quite some time.

Speaking of cars, Lincoln learned what it was like to sit in a race car! Talk about living a boy's dream! Too bad he won't remember.

Keziah learned that having the company's summer BBQ at our place means bouncy castles and snow cones!

We learned what it was like to be chauffeurs parents to teenagers for a few days. It was a lot of fun! And we learned we had enough outlets for all the electronic stuff that came with them!

I learned that sitting on the back of a motorbike, biking through the countryside with fresh cut hay in the fields, is still one of the best ways to celebrate an anniversary. That is, until I get my own bike :o) Then that will be the best way!!

I do believe the biggest thing we learned though this month was how powerful our God is. Like someone has pointed out, we were reminded again how we wouldn't stand a chance if we were to see the full extent of this power. But we don't only see his power in the destruction, but also in the beauty of His creation. This month, it was the beauty of the sky, where one minute it can be absolutely blue with white puffy clouds and the next minute, the same sky is filled with clouds that look like boiling water.

And with that, the month is over.

I can't imagine what else there is to learn. But hopefully this boy learns how to come off the top of the playground by himself (he's scared of the slide now, so he just sits there and waits till I come and get him).