Look Out!!

I would like to do something here that I've never done before. Maybe once it's done, I will know why I shouldn't have tried and know not to do it again; but until I then, if I don't try I'll never know how it'll go.

What I would like to do includes you. It may not include all of you, as I really have no idea who my 'audience' is, but I am thinking that what I am about to do will apply to at least 2, if not 3 of you. Maybe more?

I'd like to do a Book Talk with you. I love to read. But what I love more is to discuss what I've read. Seeing as I can't truly discuss things at an intellectual (cough, cough) level with my 4 year old, I thought I'd do this with you.

I have a book in mind, and what I am envisioning is that in about 2 weeks or so, and every week after that, we "meet" here (say, every Thursday?), where I will highlight a few points in the chapter that we've read; points that really stand out for me, you know, the "food for thought" type, and you can as well. The book I have in mind also has questions at the end of the chapter, and that can also stimulate a discussion here via the comments etc.

So what's the book, you ask? Are you ready for it? Actually, telling you the book that I have in mind is the scariest part because of, well, I'll let you be the judge:

You read the title right: She's Gonna Blow! Real Help for Moms Dealing with Anger by Julie Ann Barnhill.

But why *that* book?!

And this is what I am scared to admit, but here goes: it fills me with shame and guilt to write that at times, I can be an angry mom. And I don't like it. Not one bit. I hate it. I hate what it does to my children, to my family, to myself, and most importantly to God. This book has been sitting on my shelf since Keziah was 6 months old. I finally dusted it off this past week.

Let me clarify something: no, I do not consider myself an angry person all the time. However, there have been moments in the last 4.5 years where I felt I was going to blow. And there have been moments where I, unfortunately, did.

The fact that this book is out there tells me that I am not the only one. That doesn't mean this gives me permission, with the attitude of "oh well, it's okay and normal, all part of raising kids." No, instead, the fact that there is a book tells me that support is needed. Support, encouragement, and prayer to banish these volcanic moments.

And so, knowing that others also may be struggling with handling their anger (which is not always shown in an aggressive manner, but passively as well), I thought we'd tackle this book together, to support, strengthen, and encourage each other through "meeting" here every Thursday.

And if this book doesn't "include" you, I am sorry. However, if  this first Book Talk idea goes well (I have no idea how I will measure that....quite possibly the fact that I actually started a parenting book and finish it could very well be the only positive thing about doing it this way, as doing this will hold me accountable.), then the next one will be on a different topic, quite possibly nothing to do with being a mom.

Shall we try? I hope and pray it'll be just as beneficial for you as it will be for me.

So go, order your book (I got mine from Amazon) and we will meet here to 'discuss' the first chapter on Thursday, May 8th, just in time for Mother's Day :o) I think that gives you enough time to receive the book.

A Letter

April 20-26, 2014 is National Infertility Awareness Week. Last year I wrote a bunch of Do's and Don'ts when dealing with those who struggle with infertility, as well as a list of Do's and Don'ts for those of us who do struggle with infertility. If you are new to the blog and are interested in reading those lists, you will find them on the side bar, under April 2013.

This year, I thought I'd do something a little different. Over the course of our married life, we have come across many more fertile couples than not. And it is those child-bearing couples that I'd like to address via a letter. So here goes:

Dear Fertile Couple,

Being a fertile couple around an infertile couple can not be easy. There are many awkward moments, moments in which you know your situation is the cause for grief in those who have trouble conceiving. In lieu of that, I dedicate this letter to YOU, an apology letter:

We are sorry. No, not sorry for your fertility, but sorry for the following reasons:

1. We are sorry that we did not understand that being pregnant quickly after your last child is something that you may be grappling with. In fact, we are even more ashamed that we dismissed this gift of another baby with a sarcastic "She's pregnant again?!"

2. We apologize for rolling our eyes mentally when you tell us you are expecting, exactly two years to the date of the birth of your last child. And your child before that, and your child before that.....This is not the way to view any blessing of God, whether that blessing be in your life or mine.

3. I am sorry for not listening carefully while you share your struggles of parenting. I was hard of hearing as my ears were filled with envy wax, envious of the fact that you *had* those struggles. That meant you had something I wanted: children.

4. We are sorry for giving off the impression that we knew better in parenting, even though in fact, we had no idea. We apologize for giving advice or stating things or seeing things that you are trying to deal with already, and yet we still felt the need to tell you what we think or how you should do things (I may not have vocalized what I thought, but my body language sure wasn't hard to read). We truly had no idea.

5. We are sorry for biting back at you when you suggested adoption to us. We know you only meant well.

6. We are sorry for keeping you at an arm's length when we were hurting the most. In fact, we should have kept you close so we could lean on you in our darkest days.

7. I am sorry for not understanding how uncomfortable and painful a pregnancy can be on the body; I was naïve by viewing pregnancy through rose-coloured glasses.

8. I am sorry for wallowing in my own grief of never conceiving while you deal with a miscarriage, not really clueing in that we are both grieving similar losses. My bitterness took over and so I was not able to share in your grief like a Christian should have. The thought of, "well, at least you can *get* pregnant" clouded my vision and so I was not able to support you properly.

9. I am sorry for ever calling you Fertile Myrtle, even if I never did say that out loud.

10. We are sorry for judging you in regards to how God was blessing you with children

11. We are sorry for judging your parenting style and techniques, not recognizing that a child doesn't always reflect how s/he is being raised. They are born with just as much of a sinful nature as you and I.

12. We apologize for not always truly sharing in your joy of your good news, when you told us you were expecting.

13. I am sorry for ever coming across that my being a teacher is equivalent to parenting. My, oh my. While both require consistency, discipline, structure and lots of love (among other things), it is oh so vastly different. 24 hours, 7 days a week, lifelong is no comparison to 6.5 hours, 5 days a week, 10 months of the year.

14. We are sorry for always having our infertility taint your fertility. Meaning, that our infertility was always like a cloud around us, which made you unsure of how to proceed to tell us of your exciting news.

We would like to end this letter with a 'thank you'. Thank you for including us in your good news, even if it made you nervous as to how to go about that, wanting to keep us from hurting. Thank you for sharing your joys and burdens of parenting. And most of all, thank you for not ditching us to the curb to wallow in our self-pity, but instead, forgiving us of our selfishness and still kept up a relationship with us.

Sincerely,
Us, the Infertile Couple

May we all, infertile or fertile, hold each other up, encouraging each other. Neither road is an easy road to journey. We need each other. May we continue to be a hand and foot for each other as we share in each other's joys and sorrows.

Praying this week for all those who struggle with infertility.

Praying for all those who struggle with their fertility.

May God bless each of us on either road we find ourselves on.

Have you Heard the Good News?

As I sit here looking outside, I can't help but feel lighter. No, it's not because I've been able to control my urges for Cadbury mini-eggs (ha!!!), or that my mood is lighter because the sun is shining so brightly.

Actually, the reason why I feel so much lighter is because this weekend we get to reflect on this:

 

That's right! God sent His Son to die on the cross. For you and for me. He didn't do this because we are somewhat good people, people who do right things. Oh no! In fact, it is the complete opposite! We have nothing good in us! Even the nicest person on the earth is not good. I know, this is tough to hear this, but it is true. There is absolutely nothing we can do to save ourselves from our sins. Not a single good deed, generous donation, or going to church (even twice!) every Sunday. None of it will get us to heaven after we die. Even our best intentions are tainted in sin.

 

Thankfully though, we have a Father in heaven that knew this. He knew we needed a perfect and blemish-free Saviour. He knew there was no way we could save ourselves, even if we tried. And so He did something for us that demonstrates what True Love really is.

 

He sent His Son to pay for all our sins because He Loves Us.

 

God didn't have to do this. Nope, He could have left us to our own sinful devices, living with zero Hope, without the comfort of His promises. But despite the fact that we, with Adam, turned away from Him, He still allowed His blessed Son to be nailed on the cross to die for us, so that the relationship between God and us could be restored.

 

But that's not all! We can't just stay at the cross and leave it at that. Not only did He die for us, He also arose! He defeated Death! By doing that, not only are our sins forgiven, we may live today with the view to our future: living with Him eternally. 

Ah, such amazing Love. And how liberating - to know that it is not up to me to receive His promises; that it is not up to me to earn my way into heaven. We don't obey to go to heaven. It's the other way around: we obey today because we are going to heaven. And thankfully God has given His Spirit to make my heart one of obedience. Because naturally to obey is the last thing my heart wants to do.

Easter is always a good time to reflect on how I live my life - that I live out of thankfulness for what He has done for me many, many years ago on that very dark yet most amazing weekend. I pray that this reflection carries over throughout the year, not just on Easter.

And while Easter doesn't seem to receive as much attention as Christmas, Christmas means nothing if there is no Easter (a friend stated that, and it is SO true).

May you all have a blessed Easter, and may the events of Easter give you reason to live each day for Him.

April Fun (so far!)

It is time for a mostly picture post of the happenings going on in our home (well, some of them anyway.) I hope you enjoy!

Every weekend, Nathan likes to get some organ practice in, to be prepared for our worship services on Sunday. Knowing it can be difficult to play with four limbs, he sometimes is able to enjoy some help.

Over the Christmas holidays, we received something like 30 chocolate letters. That means we've been sharing as a family a chocolate letter for dessert once or twice a week. This has resulted in Lincoln thinking that all letters are chocolate. Wherever he sees letters, he hollers, "Chocolate letters, mom!". Here he is, pointing out all the 'chocolate' letters in the Bible :o)

Now that all the snow drifts have melted, Lincoln can go outside without getting stuck. And how they are enjoying their park, spending a couple hours outside, playing together.

Oh, someone sees the pay loader!!

Under all that snow, a sandbox has been re-discovered! I just love, love, love how these two play together. Yes, they can fight, but for the most part, they are best of playmates. I am so thankful.

The other day, Lincoln decided to take a bite of the kitchen floor. Needless to say, it took a bite out of him, chipping his tooth! On his way to look like a hockey player.

Having fun with a few items from the dress-up box:

Apparently we aren't the only ones that love my homemade Toblerone Fudge. Any guesses as to who else has been helping themselves?!

Someone stopped napping daily at 4.5 years of age, but will still need one every once in awhile.

Here Lincoln is telling daddy off for hugging his mom. "MY mom!!". He is quite territorial when it comes to his mother.

Lincoln has learned to "tell a secret", well, the actions needed anyway :o)

And here we thought she'd be a piano player! But nope, drumming is her thing.

I have a love/hate relationship with our Lego. Can you guess what this picture makes me feel -- love or hate?

The other day, I hear from the family room, "Help me, mom!!". And this is how I found him. He was stuck. He couldn't get back up and was a little worried he was going to fall. Again, any guesses as to what the next picture would have looked like? :o)

Now that the new season has started for the business, that means a lot more activity going on outside. We usually can't see too much, but that pay loader is just tall enough to be seen over the hedges. And so, in order to get through the Bible Story without "Pay loader, Mom!!!!!" being yelled out, the curtains now need to be closed :o)

Have you ever tried to get 500 Q-tips back into the box so that they fit?! It's like trying to roll that tent back to fit into its sleeve: not too successful. Seeing as this isn't the first time he's dumped them, my dear boy should be an expert by now in getting all of them to fit.

"Hey kids! Is the steak ready yet?"

(yes, some ground rules (no pun intended :o) were set after I had fun taking pictures of them through the window. And no, the BBQ was not on.)

 

I had the privilege of teaching one day, enjoying a class of JK and SK students. That meant Nathan stayed with the kids for the day. No wonder the kids want me to teach again tomorrow so that daddy can stay with them......he took them to McDonald's!!

 



As you can tell by the above pictures, there is never a dull moment in our home, thanks to this mischievous monkey.....

 

....and his best friend, 'Zah', our favourite brown-eyed girl.

 

We are thankful for the memories we are making as a family. We praise our God in heaven for the many blessings He continues to shower on us each and everyday. 





And It's Done!

When we moved into our home, the first thing to go was the carpet in the master and en suite. Actually, I do believe it was out even before I stepped foot into this house. Why people put carpet in a bathroom is beyond me. Apparently it was an 80s thing to do. And while I stated on a few posts ago it takes me a while to like the fashion of the day, usually liking it as it goes out, we are 25-30 years past the 80s and I have *yet* to like that fashion trend. I don't think I am alone with this one.

And so, with great excitement, we started our bedroom and bathroom renos in the middle of February (when I say 'we', I mean, Ridgeline Renovations. But more about them later....).

 It took a little longer than we anticipated, thanks to the While We Are At It disease. Have you heard of it? If not, it's probably because you haven't gone through a renovation. Go through one and you'll know exactly what I am talking about. (We heard about this disease from someone and boy, he sure had it pegged right!!)

So here are some before and after pictures.

Our en suite had a very large soaker/whirlpool tub in it. Sounds so nice, eh? Yeah, except we never used it (especially as we have a hot tub outside) and knew a shower would be a much better use of space:

Our bedroom:

That green was the colour of our walls. It is no more.

As stated above, we hired out most of the work to Ridgeline. We did however take on the painting of both rooms:

 Our supervisor :o)

As of last week, we were able to finally move back into our room as it was all done. It sure was worth the wait! We love it!

And the biggest change, our bathroom. Oh, how we absolutely are enjoying this space!! We kept the vanity and toilet in the same place, and where the tub was, is now our shower.

(picture above is taken from standing on the bench - with a heated seat I might add  :o)

 

 

 

We are just absolutely thrilled with how it all turned out, and we have Ridgeline Renovations to thank. We were very impressed with the fine detail in their work, which is especially important when dealing with water. You cannot be too careful with water. So if you are looking for an excellent company to do your renos, we highly recommend Rob from Ridgeline.

 

And if you are ever looking for me, you will either find me fast asleep on my new plush carpet in the bedroom, or snoring with a smile on my face, on the my heated floors in the bathroom.

Birthday Pictures

While my birthday was almost a week ago, my last post did not include a single picture of the actual celebrations.

This year I kept it fairly low key, no party, not even having all my friends over for "coffee". All the birthday work is being saved for 2 months from now when a certain handsome man is turning 40. 40?! How is it that the man I am married to is going to be that old?? There must be something wrong with the math, 'cause there is just no way I could possibly be married to someone so close to the age of what my dad was when we started dating. Eek.

But I digress. Back to last week, when I had the privilege of celebrating my 36th birthday. The day started out with lots of kisses, card-opening and present giving:

While the day was somewhat quiet, 2 dear friends did come over for a few hours to enjoy some 'festivities' (much to Keziah's surprise, I had not even baked a cake for myself. Oops.). Not only was I happy to see them, but so was Keziah and Lincoln, as my friends brought some friends for them!

For supper, we went to a restaurant where if it is your birthday, you are free! So even though it was a buffet (see last post :o), it was so nice to enjoy this as a family, especially with little ones who can't wait long for their food.

So all in all, it was a great day, surrounded by so many blessings. And thank you to the many who also wished me a wonderful birthday!!



But wait.......not a single picture of presents? No worries, I was spoiled!! I was given 3 things and let me tell you, I cannot decide which one is my favourite. Maybe you can help  me decide?!

Present Number 1, given to me by my favourite 4.5 year old:

No, it wasn't a box of Olivia books. It was so much better than that!! That whole week, I had noticed she was collecting all kinds of things. This isn't really unusual for her, as she loves to find the smallest things and then treasure them. But what was so special this time around is that she spent days collecting - and all of it was for me. Here is her collection:

 While it may mean nothing to you, it meant a whole lot to me! She is so thoughtful and I treasured that box filled with her little gifts all day!!

Present #2:
I did not receive this present until a few days later, as it was being made:

My very own family necklace. This present brings me to tears. Not much else to say about it or else I'll start tearing up again, but I love this so much!!

And lastly, Present #3:
I also had to wait for this present - a whole 7 years!! And it finally arrived, on my birthday. What could it be, you ask?

CARPET!!!!! for in my bedroom!!!!

Believe me, when you've been walking on plywood since the day you moved in 7 years ago, receiving carpet for your bedroom is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

So, can you see why I can't choose which present is my favourite? They all are special in their own way. Present #1 and #2 leave me looking like a blubbering mess, and Present #3 makes me lay on the carpet and snuggle with it. I know, strange, eh? It is just so nice to not have to worry about splinters! :o)

And with that, my 37th year has started. I pray for health another year, that I may continue to be given what is needed to first and foremost follow my Lord and Saviour, and second, to continue in my tasks as wife and mother, doing it for His glory.