Your Kids are Grown Up....Now what?!

I was speaking with someone recently - a much loved wife, mother, grandmother. A woman who holds all the titles that many little girls grow up to want to be. And while she holds all those titles (plus more, including a daughter of the King, a sister in the Lord!), she expressed that a restlessness can seep in. A feeling of "I am done raising my kids, now what?! Am I even needed by my kids anymore?? Why was I not prepared for this part of motherhood??"

I don't know about you, but when I was a little girl, I couldn't wait to get married and have kids. But every time I pictured my future family (6 boys no less!), my children were always little; always around the age of 7 and down. You know how naive I was then, for I pictured it to be peaceful, calm, full of organization, and love. Don't forget, I was picturing myself as a mother of 6 boys! All 7 and under!! HA!!! Yup, naive. :o)

Anyway, my point is - I never pictured myself with teens, or further yet, with my adult children. It was always "I can't wait to have kids" and those kids just never grew up in my mind. Yet we all know that children do grow up (the ones the Lord does not take back to Himself in childhood). They don't stay little for long - even when you are in the trenches of toddlerhood it feels like they will never grow up. And when they are done growing up, does that mean they no longer need mom? And that mom doesn't need them??

So here I find myself, talking with a dear woman whose children have grown up, left the nest, married, and started having families of their own. While she has had many years of her children needing her and her time, she has come to a place in her life that her children just don't need her as much (if at all), and certainly don't need her like they did for so many years.

And *that* my friends, is a hard thing to grasp. It's a transition that can be very difficult to maneuver through, to navigate. To be at peace with.

Sure, she knows her children "need" her, but really, they are now relying on their spouse in life, not Mom. This is something that she wasn't prepared for! Yes - she wanted her children to grow up and be mature citizens of God's kingdom, self-sufficient adults! And they are! But now what is her role? What does "to be needed" look like now as a mother of grown children?

When you've gone through years of being needed and now you are sitting in an empty nest with your needy children having turned into independent adults, that can leave a mother floundering. While on one hand she sits back and gives thanks to God for where her children are in life, there is a part of her that wants to cry out: please, my children!! Call me! Need me! Chat with me! I am here now......not forever! So use me! Let me hear your voice! Just because you have grown up, I am still your mother! I want to be needed yet!

But don't confuse 'need' with "babysitter". Sure, your mother loves your kids, but having her babysit your kids is not the only way to show you need her. She loves YOU. It is YOU she wants to hear from; it is YOUR life she would like to know about; how things are going....not because she is nosy, or wants to give her input (even though that often happens......just part of being a mother :o) ).

So let's do this! Let's not *tell* our mom we need her, let's SHOW her!! Let's take the time, while she is still here, to let her know that not only do we need her, we want her still as our mom.

How?

Well, there is a saying out there: Kids spell LOVE like this: Time.

But actually, that statement is wrong. It's not just kids that spell love with the letters t-i-m-e. We *all* spell love like that. So do that - spend time with her. How could we not? Do we even realize how much time she has invested in us while we grew up?! How then can we just kind of forget about her?

I am so thankful to have talked with this woman, as God has used her to open my eyes up in regards to whether I have made my mother (and Nathan's mother) feel needed and wanted. That I need her and want her to be a part of my life, and not just to babysit my kids.

Time to pray about this and thank God for our mothers.

Let's enjoy and appreciate our mothers, recognizing what they are to us: still our moms. Let us make sure she knows that although we are all grown up, she is still very much needed and wanted.

So I ask you (and myself!):

when was the last time you called (not texted, but called) your mother? And not because you need her to babysit for you, but that you actually called, well, just because?

Sigh. Sigh. And Triple Sigh.

It's Tuesday evening. My hubby is gone for the week. My Blue Jays are getting absolutely spanked. And the Leader of my country has gone from someone I was thankful to have at the helm (even if he wasn't perfect) to someone who makes me embarrassed I am a Canadian.

So how is your week going for you?!

Sigh.

I know.....really, that my Blue Jays got royally beat up (pun intended....) is not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. Actually, it's not even a deal in the grand scheme of things. So, who cares about them? Well, I kind of still do......but not when I put things into perspective.

And, really, my husband is gone for 4 nights. That's it! Just 4 nights! Yes, he was gone last week for 3 nights and now 4 nights, but really, to put it blunt: he's not dead! I am not a widow!! Not a big deal then in the grand scheme of things. So do I have a right to sigh?! Sort of......but not when I put things into perspective.

Now, to our new Prime Minsiter. Mr. Justin Trudeau.

Marks for good looks? Ummm, maybe 7 out of 10.....if this is what turns your crank.

Marks for Politic knowledge? Can one give a negative?!

My, oh my. Certainly a bigger deal than the Blue Jays winning or losing, or my hubby being gone for 4 nights. When I think of the future with him as our leader, sitting with the bigwigs of other countries like Putin, Obama and others, I can't help but shudder, wince and hang my head in shame.

How is it that Canadians elected someone to lead their country who has zero, that's right, ZERO!!! experience in politics other than living in the Prime Minister's home when his father was Prime Minister?!?! (and don't Canadians remember when his dad was Prime Minister and the damage he did......interest rates, anyone?) I mean, really, I don't even hire someone inexperienced to babysit my kids!! Let alone lead my country! Have we not all applied for jobs where the term "Experience Needed" is mentioned first and foremost?!

What were we Canadians thinking?!

Oiy.

Time for perspective again, or I will sit here, dwelling and disbelieving, become negative and grumpy, which is just not healthy. Or the way God wants me to live. Oh, that's right - God. Wait a minute - there's the perspective: It's actually not Mr. Justin Trudeau in control, my God is the One who has it all in His hands! He is the One who has given Trudeau the authority of leading this country (whether Trudeau recognizes it or not). It is God, our King and Ruler Supreme who has a plan for this country, and maybe that plan is for us Christians to get off our butts (those of us who are sitting on them) and get a voice! We need to be heard! We need to do something. It is time, it is time!!

So, with remembering verses like the ones below, I shall ask for forgiveness of not doing enough. I shall remember and take comfort in the fact that we all have a King to answer to, even Mr. Trudeau. I shall ask for the Spirit's help in not putting my trust in the economy, or platforms, or governing rulers, but only in our God. And I shall not only pray for me, but for all Canadians, including Trudeau. Certainly not our choice of a leader, but a choice has been made, and I must respect that. I pray he will begin to recognize Who put him in this tremendous task of leading our country, Canada.
:
Ps. 72: 8: He will rule from sea to sea and from the River to the ends of the earth. 

Ps. 2:  Why do the nations conspire and the peoples plot in vain? 2 The kings of the earth take their stand and the rulers gather together against the LORD and against his Anointed One. 3 "Let us break their chains," they say, "and throw off their fetters." 4 The One enthroned in heaven laughs; the Lord scoffs at them. 5 Then he rebukes them in his anger and terrifies them in his wrath, saying, 6 "I have installed my King on Zion, my holy hill." 7 I will proclaim the decree of the LORD: He said to me, "You are my Son; today I have become your Father. 8 Ask of me, and I will make the nations your inheritance, the ends of the earth your possession. 9 You will rule them with an iron scepter; you will dash them to pieces like pottery." 10 Therefore, you kings, be wise; be warned, you rulers of the earth. 11 Serve the LORD with fear and rejoice with trembling. 12 Kiss the Son, lest he be angry and you be destroyed in your way, for his wrath can flare up in a moment. Blessed are all who take refuge in him.

Ps. 146: 3-6:  Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save. 4 When their spirit departs, they return to the ground; on that very day their plans come to nothing. 5 Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD his God, 6 the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them-- the LORD, who remains faithful forever. 

Ruler supreme, who hearest humble prayer,
Hold our Dominion, in thy loving care.
Help us to find, O God, in thee,
A lasting rich reward.
As waiting for the better day,
We ever stand on guard.
God keep our land, glorious and free.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee!

Hello, 2015!! And Blog Goals.....

And here she is! 15 years after the big ol' scare of Y2K......the switch from 1999 to 2000. Back then questions of 'how will our technology be able to handle the two 00's at the end' and 'is this when the world comes to an end'? plagued many minds.

And yet the world has kept turning 15 years later. And could for another 15 years, or 150 years, or 150,000 years! Who knows? But maybe this year, 2015, will be The Year - The Year that our Lord returns. Are you ready? Am I?? Such an exciting prospect, really. This year could very well be the year. But it might not be. God knows.....and we don't. All we know is our Messiah has not come riding on the clouds yet to call us Home eternally, so what are we doing with our time while we wait?

With the potential of a full year ahead of us, it can all be exciting. This is a new feeling for me at the start of a new year. Usually I am leery....remembering all the unknowns I didn't know last year at this time of what will happen in the year that we just entered. Unfortunately, I often spent time contemplating the many sorrows and disappointments, shocks, and hurts of the past year rather than balancing it out by thinking of the many abundant blessings received! So this year, I prayed that my normal 'foreboding' be replaced by peace....that I may enter this year knowing that each and every moment is in God's hands. I pray that this knowledge may give you comfort as well....that nothing happens by chance. Studying the Bible book, Esther, with other ladies in the church for Bible Study has definitely helped in my perspective this time around. I am thankful to God for this.

So, 2015. What now? Time for resolutions? Time for goals? Big, small? Personal ones? Ones that need help in order to be completed?

I'll be honest - I am not a resolution type person. My need/want for perfectionism gets in the way and so it just all becomes quite an unpleasant experience. So no year long resolution here from me. I prefer to make daily ones.....that just seems a bit more achievable for me.

But there are a few things I'd like to do this year, especially with the blog. Here are some things:

• I'd like to do another Book Talk. I mentioned it a few months ago, and I am thinking February may be a good month to do this. I did get a few suggestions, and I am going with one that I think is a definite must read for ALL. The book is short, to the point and very beneficial. Oh, and choosing it for February also makes the book very timely. What's the book, you say?

 

So go order yours now (I ordered mine through Amazon.ca. or you can find it on Amazon.com). I like to start the Book Talk the first week of February. So that gives some time for it to be ordered and delivered. I really do hope you will join me in this.

 

• I also would like to do a Photography Challenge one of these months. I have a few ideas. I love taking pictures and having a theme or focus is always nice.
• I do hope to keep up blogging this year again. Sometimes I get a little prideful, wondering who actually reads this blog, if any, and then I meet someone that reads my writing, loves looking at the pictures, but just is not one to comment. So, even if there are just a few readers, I get a lot of enjoyment out of writing and photography, and so I hope to continue (maybe this will be the year you let me know who you are that reads this thing?! ;o)

So, there you have it. Not really any resolutions.....just a few things I'd like to do this year with this space. Next week Nathan is gone most of the week, which leaves me with some pretty quiet evenings. You know what that means - catch up on here! And catch up is definitely needed, for not only have we entered a new year, our dear son has also entered into his fourth year a few days ago. Plus all the other things that have kept us busy in December, and lots of Before and Afters. But for now, I will leave you with this video.

 

Lincoln received some new tractors, combines and trucks. Here he is, playing with them with daddy, but not letting daddy touch them. Daddy was allowed to play with his new book and a blue car, but was *not* allowed to touch his new treasures. This video cracks us up. I am not sure what is funnier, when he takes the toy away from Nathan every time, or when he gives Nathan his new book to read instead, or when he tells Nathan he needs to stop and listen, or when he thanks Nathan at the end for playing with him. We laugh every time we watch this - I hope you enjoy it as well (it took 51 minutes to upload so you better watch it!! ;o).

 

 

Lincoln's New Toys

God, Please Continue to Keep Our Land Glorious and Free

It sure has been quite a week here in Canada, particularly in a city that is 5 hours from where we live. I am sure most, if not all, of you have heard of the events that have transpired around our government buildings on Wednesday. It definitely has made us sad yet alert and thankful once again for the men and women that serve in our military. May we continue to pray for all those who serve this beautiful country that we live in. To read a bit more, here is a link

However, our prayers don't stop there. We also pray for these radicals, the men and women who are so lost in their way that they feel the strong need to take not only others' lives, but also their own. What is so sad about all this is, while what happened in Ottawa is tragic, events like this happen daily in other countries! May these countries remain in our prayers, as well as the leaders that are in positions of authority. We pray for the terrorist groups as well, the many that are around the world who feel they are above and beyond the law. May they see that although they are convinced that they have control and are on top, there is still One higher than they. And that is the King of kings and Lord of lords.

Psalm 2 New International Version (NIV)

Psalm 2

¹ Why do the nations conspire^[a]
    and the peoples plot in vain?
² The kings of the earth rise up
    and the rulers band together
    against the Lord and against his anointed, saying,
³ “Let us break their chains
    and throw off their shackles.”

⁴ The One enthroned in heaven laughs;
    the Lord scoffs at them.
⁵ He rebukes them in his anger
    and terrifies them in his wrath, saying,
⁶ “I have installed my king
    on Zion, my holy mountain.”

⁷ I will proclaim the Lord’s decree:

He said to me, “You are my son;
    today I have become your father.
⁸ Ask me,
    and I will make the nations your inheritance,
    the ends of the earth your possession.
⁹ You will break them with a rod of iron^[b];
    you will dash them to pieces like pottery.”

¹⁰ Therefore, you kings, be wise;
    be warned, you rulers of the earth.
¹¹ Serve the Lord with fear
    and celebrate his rule with trembling.
¹² Kiss his son, or he will be angry
    and your way will lead to your destruction,
for his wrath can flare up in a moment.
    Blessed are all who take refuge in him.

 

(Nathan just called me half an hour ago - he happened to be on an overpass on the way to a conference, and stopped as he noticed the processional of Nathan Cirillo's body was passing by. Too hard to describe in words, he said, but man, are we both proud to be Canadians. Here are some photos of the processional)

Friday Night Thoughts

Nathan is at a meeting tonight (who has Friday night meetings?!?!) and so I have some time to put some thoughts down. Seeing as it *is* Friday, these thoughts are far from deep :o)

Another week has come and gone. While the weather has been on the cooler side, the sun has been shining brightly. But boy, when that sun goes down, it is chill-y!!! Tonight, our school put on a BBQ and that chill was felt right to the bones. Good thing the fellowship was so warm. We are so thankful to be part of the communion of saints, having an evening to enjoy one another's company.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So Keziah had her first 3 day school week, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. I must say, she has handled it quite well! Last night she did say she didn't want to go back to school the next day because school is so tiring, however this morning, when I woke her up, she was eager to get dressed (in red for Red Day, including a red bow! And yes, she is wearing red under her sweater :o) and off she went.

 I also actually went to school today. This afternoon I was in a Gr.5/6 classroom, supply teaching. Oh, how I love the classroom! Tuesday afternoons I also help out in a Gr. 3/4 classroom, with this past Tuesday being the first time. Man, that environment is just so 'home' for me. I look forward to being in this environment every Tuesday afternoon, as well as whenever I am called to fill in for a teacher.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Any ideas on what book to do for Book Talk? I've been thinking about this again lately. I enjoyed doing one last May/June. Possibly thinking of doing another one sometime this Fall/Winter. So if you have an idea, do share! And it doesn't have to do anything with parenting....;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Keziah's next surgery is in less than a month. Eep.

Speaking of surgeries, Lincoln is now at the exact age of when Keziah had her first bubbles put in. Here she is, waiting to go in to get her bubbles placed. She just seemed to be a whole lot......older than what Lincoln is at the same age.

And a close up of her at 4 months before turning 3. Ugh, my heart stirs when I see pictures of her and her full birthmark. I don't know if I miss her birthmark or just miss her at this age.....probably a bit of both. Just wanna kiss that darling face!!!

And now to post a picture or two of Lincoln at the same age. Hmmmm, well, I'll be honest - I don't have a whole lot of him! Not because he is the second child, but more because this boy doesn't stand still for a moment! But, just before I gave up, I remembered I grabbed one of him at the only place he does sit still - at the table, waiting for food :o)

 

But no, not a whole lot of close ups. Something I shall work on, but yeah, he's a boy. He doesn't have time to pose for pictures. There are more important things to do, like cars to line up, people!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have not forgotten about Tough Mudder. I had mentioned that I would post pictures of our very fun, very muddy day, but I do not have all the pictures yet. But once I do, I will post them so you can see what kind of fun you are missing out on!! :o)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nathan was gone for 4 nights last week. I can tell the kids are getting older - it is a bit easier when he is gone now. We had a good four days, spending the last two days at my best friend's house. She is like a sister to me. I love her and her family so much. They are very dear to us. And we must be dear to them, because they named their youngest after me, taking my first and middle name, switching it around and named their daughter. I still can't believe they did that. So, so special. But yeah, we moved in for those 2 days and it was just so relaxing and fun. We will be sure to do this again the next time Nathan leaves!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am glad Scotland is staying, not separating.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With Fall around the corner, not only do I look forward to the leaves changing colour, but for one of my favourite sports to start up again - the NHL. I know, I know. They are sooooo overpaid. But I just love the game. Maybe, just maaaayyybeeee the Leafs will do okay? No? Oh well. At least they are consistent......sigh.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, it's getting late. Time for bed. I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend!!

Tough Yet Comforting Realites

"Mom, what day is it tomorrow?"

"Sunday."

"Oh."

And then after a very long pause, she whispers to me:

"I don't really like Sundays because it is so hard to sit still for so long."

This conversation didn't really surprise me. Actually, I am somewhat thankful that, while it took a bit, she felt comfortable to tell me something that she knew I would probably not really like to hear. It gave opportunity for a great discussion about the whys of Sundays.

Her opinion though has given me food for thought about God, my children and their walk with Him. If you talk to any Christian parent, their top goal in parenting is to teach their children about the Lord; that our children learn His ways. We pray daily that our children will grow up to know their Lord as their Saviour, and then to live a life of thankfulness to Him.

While we teach them about God, read the Bible daily, take time to teach the Bible stories, memorize a lot of the psalms/hymns that our church sings, send them to Christian schools, go to church joyfully every Sunday - despite doing all that and more, the tough reality is

I can't give my children faith.

I can't make sure that they will be in heaven.

I can't give them salvation because I can't save them!

Although I want them to be saved, the tough reality is I can't do it! I can't do the actual saving!

Oh, this can be so tough to swallow at times.......especially when we think by doing all the above will help them to gain entrance into heaven. But when this fact can be tough to swallow, it is time to sit back and re-evaluate, because that means the focus is all wrong. It is all on man.

And this is where this tough reality turns to a comforting one, because saving my children is not my job! And good thing - because I can't even save myself! No, saving my children is something that Someone has already done - Someone who was able to handle the burden of God's wrath on my (our) behalf, Someone who was blameless. Someone who is God.

That's not to say then, that we don't need to teach our children about God. On the contrary, we do need to instruct them. In fact, we are commanded  to train up our children in His ways, which is clearly stated in Deuteronomy 6: 6

"These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."

We promised to do this when we had our children baptized as infants, with the vows of "I do" to 3 questions. But what a humble reminder that there is no Question 4 that goes along these lines:

"Do you, mother and father, promise to do all you can to save your children, so that they may be welcomed into heaven on account of how you parented them?"

What a relief that my children's salvation is not up to me. What a comfort it is to know that faith is a gift I can't give, but is a free gift given by our God.

May we then go forward, parenting our children according to the Scriptures, in the full realization that all we are, are instruments in God's hand.  May we then pray for the Holy Spirit to give us wisdom, guidance and encouragement as we raise His children.

Although we can't save our children, we can definitely pray for them!! May this prayer then be on our lips day in and day out:

Loving Shepherd of Thy sheep,
 All Thy lambs in safety keep;
Nothing can Thy power withstand,
None can pluck them from Thy hand.

May they praise Thee every day,
Gladly all Thy will obey;
Like Thy blessed ones above,
Happy in Thy precious love.

Loving Shepherd, ever near,
Teach Thy lambs Thy voice to hear;
Suffer not their steps to stray
From the straight and narrow way.

Where Thou leadest may they go,
Walking in Thy steps below;
Ten, before Thy Father's throne,
Saviour, claim them for Thine own.

Somewhat Hazy Thoughts on a Somwhat Hazy Day.....

We are enjoying some real heat the last few days, with the temperatures in the plus 30s, thanks to the humidity. What? You say you aren't enjoying the hot, sticky weather?? One second.......

There. NOW are you enjoying the heat we are having??! :o) Those wintry pictures were taken in March, which is really not that long ago. So go, revel in the 35 degrees Celsius, because before we know it, the snow will be flying!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I've been thoroughly loving the World Cup Soccer (or Football) games. It probably helps that "my" country has advanced to the quarterfinals.

While I love watching the game, no matter who is playing, I have to admit that it is the very beginning of the match that I most enjoy - and that is, listening to all the different national anthems. My! There are some really peppy anthems out there! I have no idea the words, it's just the variation in tunes that I find interesting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Someone is 2.5 years old today. Sob!!! I do believe this deserves a post all on its own, considering I could write a book on this boy of ours!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just after one year of age, it became apparent that Keziah was allergic to peanuts. She was tested and due to the little hive that came up and the fact that it is only peanuts (she can have all other nuts), the allergist said she would most likely grow out of it. So, with her being almost 5, we thought we'd do a little test. Well, it became very clear very quickly that she has not done enough growing yet. After 3 hours of sneezing, coughing, wheezing, crying, sore stomach, hives on her neck and eyes half-closed, she finally threw up. And just as quickly as the symptoms came on her, they left. And she was much better. So no peanut butter for this gal! (later that night she told me she felt she had all bumps in her throat. I have never told her this, that that might happen!! Scary stuff! So the Epi-pen will be ordered)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We've been taking Lincoln into church once a Sunday lately. He is actually doing pretty good, sitting for more than an hour, thanks to those two fingers of his! He's gone 3 or 4 times so far and I know he is improving because I am coming out of church with more and more candies still in my candy bag :o)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the last few weeks, I've seen quite a few of these being ridden:

Um. Why?! Why in the world would you ride a tandem bike??! I know Archie and Veronica always did, but that was in the comics!! Maybe I am missing something, that maybe being behind someone, staring at the butt of the person in front of you is actually quite fun! I don't know....but I highly doubt it. If there is a very good reason why you would ride tandem, do share. But as for now, it will stay off my bucket list.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is 2 years ago today that Keziah had a very large part of her birthmark removed. It was quite the dramatic and long day - 7 hours of surgery! And then when she got out, we walked right by her in the Recovery Room, not recognizing her without a big part of her birthmark! This girl has been through a lot in the last 2.5 years, but we have so much to be thankful for! And the best part?! She is no worse for wear!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tomorrow is our country's 147th birthday!

We will be celebrating it first thing in the morning by doing a 5Km run. The exciting thing is that this time, Keziah will be doing the 1 Km run for kids!! Wish her all the best!! She's been practising :o)

And that is enough thoughts on these hazy, lazy days.

Just Some Random Thoughts.....

I thought I would share some of my thoughts that have been circling in my head for the last little while. I know, you feel privileged, don't you? ;) These thoughts range from very serious to random little tidbits that I just feel like sharing. Some also require answers, while others are just questions that most likely don't have an answer. But if you do have an answer, feel free to enlighten me!!

As of today, the police are upping it with the fines for distracted drivers, from $150 to $220 or something like that. The goal is for this fine to actually be $1000 and 3 demerit points. My question is this: does this mean I can no longer drive with my children in the same vehicle as me? Joking. These fines are focussed on texting and talking on cell phone while driving, but believe me, dealing with screaming (with laughter of course) kids, passing out snacks, water cups, turning on the kids' music, to reaching for that toy sure makes me a number one candidate for being a distracted driver!!

~ ~~ ~
The other morning, I decided to tackle the escarpment stairs. I used to do them all the time, but it's been almost a year since I've climbed all 300 steps. Boy, am I feeling it today!! I was a little confused as to why my upper body was so sore, but then I remembered that the third time up, the only way to get all the way to the top was to haul myself up, using the railings.

~ ~ ~
Last week, I got a glimpse into my daughter's life a little bit. She had asked me to open something up for her. I tried and tried and it would not budge. I told her I don't think I was going to be able to open it. She looked at me and stated very plainly: You can do it. You just have to try harder. Hmmmm. I wonder where she's heard that before?! And you know what? Was I ever annoyed when she said it because I *was* trying hard!! Ah, kids. They teach you so much. I shall now remember this for the next time she is trying to do something and it's not quite working.

~ ~ ~
Despite being always so excited to get the mail, I now refuse to go. I do believe a Kindergarten Registration Form is coming. I figure if I don't pick up the mail, I won't get it.

~ ~ ~
This morning we went to Sick Kids for Keziah to have her drain removed. I went with her to get put out. As she was coming to, she kept crying out "Mommy!". While this term can be overused by about 253 times in my day, boy did it ever feel pretty good that she was wanting me, calling out and looking for comfort in me. Never thought I'd hear that term for many years.

~ ~ ~
Am I missing something here with yogurt cartons or does everyone's look like this, trying to get at it?

~ ~ ~
Why does someone else's difficult circumstances bring me thankfulness about mine? When am I going to learn to be always thankful, not needing someone else's situation to reinforce that? How would I feel knowing that *my* situation (whatever that may be) makes others feel glad about theirs?

~ ~ ~
Anyone else have a hard time continuing on in day to day activities when you know someone (or lots of someones) is struggling with a great loss? This is when I feel guilty for even blogging, when I know others right now are hurting so bad, others that are in my community, greater community and/or those abroad. It just sometimes feel so cold and callous to enjoy things when you know others are suffering and in pain

~ ~ ~
Keziah asked me this question yesterday, on the way to the hospital:
"Mom, I know there was a mommy and daddy dog on the ark, but which dog was it? There are so many different kinds of dogs!"

Hmmmmm. Maybe I *will* get the mail and fill out that Registration Form so that she goes to school. Then I can say "Go ask your teacher." :o)

Have a good day!!

Motivated Lately?

I don't know about you, but lately, like as in ever since the first snowfall, I've been struggling with motivation. The fact that we haven't seen grass in 2.5 months, or that there are 3-4 foot drifts outside, or that your snot freezes in your nose in 3.4 seconds due to it being -25 may have something to do with this.

Yup, it is Winter. And while we live in Canada and all of the above is kind of what we expect to have, it doesn't make each and every day easy with two little kids at home. The days can be very long, especially when stuck indoors due to bone-chilling gusty winds. And as the winds blow around outside, it manages to blow not only the snow everywhere, but it takes my motivation and whips it across the lands, to a far, far place.

I do the basics: get dressed (phew, eh?! ;), dress my kids, feed my family, clean the house. I read to the kids, spend time with them, but the Winter Blahs are hanging around while I live my days as wife and mother. I yearn for Spring.

But a fact is a fact: it is only January. Spring is a looooong ways off. And while I am busy dreaming of green grass, flowers sprouting, sending the kids outside, going for walks etc., my Today is slipping by without fully enjoying it. And this is not the way to live, if I am to live as a Christian. This does not reflect thankful living, content in all circumstances; instead it creates a restlessness and impatience that taints the atmosphere.

Well, seeing as we have a good month to two months yet of Winter to go yet, it is time to shake those Winter Blahs and bury them under the snow and time to dust the snow off my Motivation. One of the things to help me with this (devotions and exercise is already being implemented), is good ol' Pinterest. Please tell me you know about Pinterest. If not, check it out - but know that once you are on, to get back out can be a very, very, very, hard thing to do. :o)

Pinterest can be a complete waste of time or it can be a really neat way to find/do/create/ things. I go in spurts with Pinterest, going for weeks without touching it, then checking it out, pin a few things and then leave it. And that's the problem. I leave it. Meaning, I don't do anything with the things I pin. It's easy to pin as I am sure you are well aware of, but to actually do a pin is another story. Right now, I have a number of boards:

Fitness - 5 pins.
Recipes - 55 pins.
Kids Games/Ideas - 24 pins.
Home Décor - 17 pins.
Crafts - 11 pins
Basement Renos - 6 pins.
Cleaning Tips - 5 pins. (ha! Completely forgot about this board...oops)
Keziah's Bedroom - 2 pins.
Kids' Books - 1 pin
Quotes - 12 pins.
Hair and Beauty - 10 pins.
Parenting Tips - 4 pins (time to find some more for this one....)
Bathroom Ideas - 7 pins
Kids' Bathroom Ideas - 2 pins.
Photography Ideas - 4 pins.

That would be 165 pins altogether (if my Math is correct..). And you know how many I've done since I've started Pinterest? I think maybe, 3? That leaves 162 pins to go yet.

And that brings us back to Motivation. While looking through Pinterest, I am all 'motivated', but not really. Sure, I am motivated to pin, but that's it! I need to step it up a notch. Motivation needs to get married to Commitment. And so that is what I hope to do for the next few months.

I am motivated to commit to ONE pin a week.

Of course, that means I won't be doing 162 pins before Spring arrives (especially if I keep adding Pins to my Boards), however, it's a start.

To keep me motivated and committed, I hope to document the pin - the process, the befores and afters, all with pictures and then share it with you here every week. Now that's accountability, isn't it?! Yikes.

I managed to find a wee bit of Motivation this week already, brushing off a corner of it. What did I do? I got outside and played with Keziah. That's a BIG deal for me - did I mention it's -28 out there with the wind chill?! But I own snow gear, so really, there is no excuse. While out there, we painted the snow. We did this last year, and I didn't get this idea from Pinterest, however I believe it still counts. It is something that I have thought of doing with her since the first snowflake landed. Yes, that was 2 months ago. And guess what?! It was good for me! That fresh air was good for the mind and spirit. And so was watching my daughter have fun, not noticing or caring how cold it was, only concentrating on her designs in the snow:

For next week, I would like to do this with Keziah:
http://www.pinterest.com/pin/251709066647746685/

And if you have a whacks of pins on Pinterest that have just been sitting there, I invite you to join me in actually doing them. And I'd love to know what you do, whether it works or not. So if you'd like to, share in the comments.

 Let's DO this!!! Let's kick those Winter Blahs outside for good, and let that wind carry them away so we don't see them again this season. :o)

Hypocrite

I knew it. I just knew it. I should have known I spoke too soon.

Remember my last post - about being thankful (and proud) for being sane at the end of the week? Well, it's

I pushed "Publish" too soon. About two hours later, late in the afternoon, it all fell apart. It's amazing how you can have such a great week, but then lose all of that in just 10 minutes or less. And that is exactly what happened.

I am sure you can imagine what it looked like, and so I will spare you all the details. This meltdown resulted in tears and apologies that needed to be said - mostly by the biggest kid. Me.

Those not-so-proud-mom moments seem to stick with me much longer than all the other enjoyable moments of the week, even working at erasing them. They keep me awake at night, as I wrestle with my failings as a mom.

If you aren't sure how you are fairing as a parent, just listen to your children for a bit,  how they interact with each other, how they handle stress, their reactions to a "no", their tone etc. They are such good "mirrors" - imaging what they see as examples. Us. After awhile, you will notice that they sound very much like us.

 Earlier in the week, I was chuckling as I overheard Keziah say to Lincoln:
"Lincoln, I told you to leave the door alone. You need to listen the first time."

Where do you think she heard that before?! It made me laugh to hear her!! It was somewhat gratifying, making me feel kind of proud, that she was parroting me.

But then, after the big meltdown Friday afternoon, just as Nathan walked in the door (of course!), I needed a time out, and so I sent myself to my room. Seriously.

And that is when I heard how else she sounded like me. And this time I was NOT chuckling. I was not proud. I did not feel honoured that she was a little me in those moments where things were out of her control.

Instead, I laid there, listening with shameful tears making wet trails down my cheeks. It was such a true and humble moment. I could not help but face the fact that she sounded like she did because she has learned from 'the best'.

And that left me this weekend with the question:

Why do I expect certain behaviours from my children when I don't even exhibit them myself?!

It is so true.  I expect my children to interact with each other respectfully and kindly. And if one is doing something that bothers the other, then words need to be used in a firm voice - definitely not by yelling at them. How am I doing with this? Just ask my children.

I expect my children to be able to handle that not everything goes their way. And if it doesn't, I expect them to handle it gracefully. Me? Fail.

I have often said to my children in stressful moments: you need to learn to handle it or toughen up. Ha. Ask my husband to see how I am faring with this (on second thought, please don't ask him).

See why I titled this post: Hypocrite?

So where does that leave us? To stew and label everything as failure? To give up? To throw my hands up in the air and say "I am not cut out for this, I don't know what I was thinking?" To wave the surrender flag and hide out under my covers?

No. None of that solves it, as we all know. Instead of focussing on the negative things we are teaching our children, or sit there smugly about the "positive" things they are learning from our influence, we can show to them that we also need help; that we cannot do this parenting thing on our own; that we need forgiveness, not just from them, but most especially from God.

I pray that the Lord will use these difficult moments on this journey of parenting, to teach my children that I am no better than them and that I need God just as much as I "preach" it to them that they need God.  I want them to know that I am not perfect. That doesn't mean putting myself down in front of them (that's one quick way to lose respect from my children!), but what I mean is, I want them to know that I cannot be the mother that I am called to be without the help of God. And that I am so totally dependent on Him. If I don't show them that I need God in my life, how are they going to learn that they need Him day by day?

Prayer is a powerful tool, one that we use numerous times throughout the day. And usually once things have calmed down after a big meltdown, we sit and chat together, speaking about what happened and what we can do with it. This conversation often leads to what we will pray for: forgiveness, help, wisdom and thankfulness for each other. And then we move on, resting in the comfort of the grace He has given us. That He has compassion on us by forgiving our shortcomings as parents. And when we realize the grace and mercy we've been given by our Father, we will be encouraged by the Holy Spirit to extend grace and mercy to our children as well.

Does that mean that is the end of meltdowns? That I have learned to be the perfect parent? That we always speak to each other calmly, and with a friendly tone, even when the other is frustrating us? That we all are now able to handle any bump in the road with the most graceful attitude?

Do I even need to answer these questions? If you want an answer, just be a fly on my wall for one day (and you thought I shared a lot on this blog - ha, believe or not, there's a lot that isn't mentioned :o), and you'll find out quick enough that God is continually teaching me to lean on Him, a lesson that needs to be repeated. Often.

But I wake up and start my day with these words, words I cling to:
"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
His mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness."
Lamentations 3: 22, 23

Warmth? Anywhere?!

Well, if you live in North America, it is pretty much guaranteed that you are experiencing below normal temperatures. Where I live, it is something like -20 but feels like -35. Yup. Cold. So cold that even the garbage men are having a day or two off due to fear of frostbite! So where are all the Global Warming gurus now?! (well, except for the two yahoos in B.C. that managed to sneak on stage where our Prime Minister was sitting). All I've been hearing lately is about a Polar Vortex. A what?! Where do they come up with these words?! Has it even been used before?

I don't mind the cold because usually that means the sun is out. But it is the wind. That howling, blustering, bone-chilling wind that keeps me indoors. Having said I don't mind the cold, I also definitely wouldn't complain if winter was a short 2 months - well, maybe 1 month, and it was spring, summer and fall for the rest of the 11. No, wouldn't complain at all.

With it being so cold, I don't know about you, but I sure could use some heart-warming pictures. The following pictures are still from the last few weeks of December, which was filled with many heart-warming moments:

Heart-warming Moment #1:

When a dear friend comes out on a Saturday night to rescue you and your family from the first snowstorm. We were stranded in our car, a car that apparently sprung an oil leak, which we didn't know until, well, we had no more oil! Due to the oil leak, dear friend piled us all in his nice warm car and took us home.

Heart-warming Moment #2:
Opa reading to his grandchildren. He does this almost every time he comes. Seeing our parents with our children is a sight we thought would never happen. And so we treasure this.

Heart-warming Moment #3:
One Monday night, a very kind and caring soul came knocking on the door and delivered a very full bag of mostly Dutch treats. And if they weren't Dutch treats, they were chocolate treat!!! This bag was packed with yummy things like peppernottens, chocolate peppernottens (you haven't tasted nothin' until you've tasted chocolate covered peppernottens! ), chocolate letters, cheese, meats, sour herring, chocolate bark, pistachios, cookies, stropwaffles, candy canes, very yummy caramel and chocolate patties, a Ti-Cat shirt (my very own!!), a Bible Story book, and well, you name it.

Lincoln and Keziah did not think the mosquito cheese was heart-warming (mosquito cheese....toenail cheese....it's the gouda cheese with the spiced little fleckies in it. I have no idea what the real name is of this cheese), but that is okay. More for me!!

I did think that I had the whole jar of sour herring to myself, but apparently my son loves it as well! I don't mind - having something in common with him warms my heart ;o)

Heart-warming Moment #4:
Our family is unique in many ways. One of them being, that our names are all in alphabetical order.

Getting warm yet? No??! I know, it's THAT cold out there. Well, here's a few more then:

Heart-warming Moment #5:
Watching my husband be a kid. He can be so serious sometimes, and work can weigh him down, yet when I see him with our children, he is a different man. Fun, loving, crazy. My heart melts. He will do anything for them.

Heart-warming Moment #6:
My children. It isn't easy for me to be at home, all day, every day, and sometimes my children feel the brunt of that. However, it never lasts long, especially when I take the time to enjoy my time with them, that we are under no schedule pressures (like school or work etc.). I love them. Dearly. And they warm my heart every day.

Hopefully now you are warmed up a bit. I am. I may very well just sit here all night long and stare at these pictures to keep me warm. Going to bed alone on such a cold night is not so welcoming. 2 more nights sleeping and he'll be back home! Yippee!!

The New Year

Folks, whether you like it or not, it is 2014!! Do you remember the whole Y2K hype, 14 years ago? Many predicted the world was going to come to a crashing halt. And if not the world, definitely all our computer systems. Many people packed and stored up food, water and the basic necessities of life in preparation for everything standing still while technology figured out how to deal with the two zeros.  I don't recall even a blip or malfunction of any system.

And here we are, 14 years later, putting 2013 behind us as we enter 2014. How was 2013 for you? Good? Difficult? Joyful? More ups than downs? Uneventful? Was it what you expected? Did you achieve much?

What is your mindset going into 2014? With groans? With rejoicing? Eager for a "re-do"? Of new resolutions, promises and hopes?

I will admit that for years, I wasn't always the most eager for a new year. I welcomed a new year always with a bit of trepidation. I would be nervous and filled with apprehension of the unknown of what will all happen in the new year. I would look at the past year, think of all the difficult things I or others have gone through - losing loved ones, losing dreams, having to deal with life-alternating situations, health problems, loss of jobs, broken relationships, hurts and well, you name it. And then I would bring all those "losses" into the new year and wonder what will this year be filled with.

Pretty pessimistic thinking, eh? And not only pessimistic, but even worse, how un-trusting (I know that's not a word, but I think you know what I mean). To go into a year with hesitation, doubt and even a degree of dread is such an insult to God. I spend so much time focusing on all the difficult things of the past year, that I can fail to recognize the many blessings we've received from Him as well! In fact, there have been many blessings of 2013 that I haven't even recognized!

Sure we don't know what is in store for us in 2014. And yes, you and I will most likely have to deal with some very difficult trials, but we may go forward with one thing that remains steadfast and has remained steadfast since before the beginning of time, and that is God. He doesn't always choose the path we would choose, but knowing that He is walking with us every step of the way, every single day of 2014 is something to put my apprehension and foreboding aside.

We may enter this year with His words:

"You hem me in - behind and before;
 you have laid your hand upon me. 
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain. 

Where can I go from your Spirit? 
Where can I flee from your presence? 
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; 
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. 
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, 
if I settle on the far side of the sea, 
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast." Ps. 139: 5-9

It is our prayer that we will hold these words close to our hearts as we travel through 2014. And may you also feel His presence near you.

(*I am not one to make yearly resolutions due to the fact that I don't like promising things that I know I'll just fail in anyway. Making daily resolutions is hard enough for me to achieve, never mind yearly ones. I will not promise to lose weight, to work out more, or be better at daily devotions, or have more patience for my children, or serve others more, or even blog more. I'd rather just take a few hours at a time, not try to tackle a new change for a whole year. But speaking of blogging,  I do hope to spend the next couple of days updating the blog from the last 3 weeks. It'll mostly be pictures - yay! so stay tuned!! :o)

What Adoption Has Taught Us About Birth Parents....and Us!

Adoption has taught us that Birth Parents are real.

What I mean by 'real' is this: they have feelings. They have emotions. They love. They cry. They laugh. They hurt. They make mistakes. They are not perfect. They are someone's child. They sin. They were created by God. They belong on this earth just as much as you and I do.

I state these things because there are many out there who think differently of birth parents. There can be a stigma out there that birth parents are either prostitutes, teenage moms, druggies or alcoholics. They don't care. They are selfish. They are negligent. They are irresponsible, reckless,  and thoughtless. I mean, how else did they end up in the predicament they find themselves in, right? (note sarcastic tone here).

There are many out there who think it is wrong that birth parents place their children for adoption. That to place your child up for adoption is sinful. It is un-natural, i.e. sinful; after all, these children belong with their biological parents for that is the natural way, the way God intended.

Actually, these people are right. To a certain degree. Yes, the natural thing is for children to stay with their own blood, but guess what? Since the fall into sin, nothing is natural anymore! Sin is everywhere and so are the consequences of living in sin.

But if we are going to compare what is un-natural and natural in regards to birth parents, we need to be ready to take a good look at ourselves as well. Because I don't know about you, but I know I can be selfish, negligent, irresponsible, reckless and thoughtless at times as well. The only way to measure ourselves though is not to look around at others, but to use our Biblical mirror, His Word and Law.

Let's take a moment to see what is un-natural in our own lives before we condemn the choice birth parents have made to place their child up for adoption.

Before the Fall into Sin, it was very natural for Adam and Eve to live harmoniously with God. At all times. Do you and I?

It was very natural for Adam and Eve to live together as one. Completely one. Can you imagine marriage without sin?! That's what they had!! Do you and I have a marriage like this?

It was completely natural for Adam and Eve to eat what was given to them.....but not to be gluttons. How's your and my weight? Can we contain ourselves at an "All you can eat" dessert buffet?!

Before the Fall, Adam and Eve never slandered. Or gossiped.

Get this one: it was completely natural for them to walk around, well, au naturel!! All day! Without shame!! How do you feel naked?! (no, please don't answer this one :o)

We do not live in unity with God at all times. It is a constant struggle. This is un-natural. We need His Word and Spirit, as well as the gift of salvation.

I do not live completely in harmony with my husband, never getting upset with him; I am not kind and gentle every moment of the day. I do not always serve with a willing heart. This is un-natural.

I love food. A little too much. I am a glutton when it comes to chocolate, candies or anything salty. I forget that there will be food tomorrow and so eat like this is my last meal. Every meal. This is un-natural.

I have gossiped. And ashamed to confess that I also have slandered. Oh, so un-natural.

And well, I am not going to answer the naked question.

My point is this: what was to be considered 'natural' went by the wayside once sin came into the world. Sin destroyed everything that was considered natural. Nothing is natural anymore! Natural was lost! Since that time, everything is now un-natural. It is not how God created His world. But now, everything, from our relationship with God, our interactions with others, how we treat our bodies (the temple of the Holy Spirit!) physically and sexually, is un-natural. 

We are so quick to judge others. But guess what? We are no better than these birth parents!! No, we may not have had to make the choice to place our child for adoption, but when was the last time we did anything natural, like it was before the Fall into Sin?

So before we judge, or make a comment of "well, it's un-natural for the birth parents to give up their babies.", make a mental note of when it was the last time we shoved fast food into our mouth; before we look down on them, let's take a moment to remember the last time we last  held a grudge against our spouse/children; before we dismiss birth parents as careless, ponder on when we last spent time in devotions.

Take that time and energy that otherwise would be spent in judging, and use it for prayer. For ourselves and for others. Pray for those who find themselves in a situation due to the consequences of sin, no matter what the sin may be. For sin is sin and we are all guilty of it.

Matthew 7 1-5:
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
How can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?
You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

So, in a nutshell, this is what I mean:

The birth parents we have met are not thoughtless and inconsiderate. In fact, they are sincere, heartfelt, perceptible and mature! Yes, they have chosen adoption as an answer for their predicament, an un-natural thing to do. However, you and I know very well what types of un-natural things we choose for ourselves.

"When they kept on questioning Him (that is Jesus), He straightened up and said to them, "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." John 8:7.  

Birth parents are real. We are real. We are all sinful human beings in need of a Saviour. Pray that others may see this need for a Saviour. And if you believe and know that your sins are forgiven through the work of Jesus our Lord, then fall on your knees out of thankfulness and humbleness for the grace of God that has been extended to you - not because you are so righteous, but because He loves you. You have been given the gift of faith as well as His mercy. So then let us pray for this mercy to flow through us and out to those around us.

How great and awesome it'll be once everything is back to being natural again, everything in perfect harmony! A place where adoption is no longer necessary; where we will live harmoniously with God and others; where we won't pig out or bring others down in our thought and speech. And that time will come when our Saviour comes on the clouds, to take us out of this un-natural state, and bring us to Paradise with Him. Come, Lord Jesus, come!! And thank you, Lord, for this hope we may have.