We are done 4 chapters so far, and I don't know about you, but I am enjoying this book. It is filled with real life examples, making me think, pray, think, pray, as well as encouraging me along the way. I hope you are enjoying it as much as I am.
Chapter 5 - Volcanic Damage: Recognizing When You've Gone Too Far
Summary:
Julie Ann Barnhill continues the uncovering of "She's Gonna Blow" and all that entails. We have read about the fact that we are not alone, we resemble volcanoes, taken time to recognize our own warning signs as well as the hard facts of digging deep into why we blow.
In this chapter, Barnhill shifts the focus off of us and onto what, or I should say, who, our volcano eruptions damage. And that is our children, the gifts the Lord has entrusted to us.
The question really is: How Far is Too Far? Using several resources, she defines abuse:
- improper or excessive use or treatment (Merriam-Webster)
- misuse of parental power
Barnhill lists three ways we, as parents, cause injury to our children's hearts and minds (don't mind the numbers....I can't get it to go 1, 2, 3....so they are all 1's):
- Physical Abuse: Excessive and Out of Control
- she speaks of corporal punishment, but it should be a "physical action done in love, gently, with a calm and reasonable adult", an action that will train a child to obey not only his parents, but most importantly to God
- however, how often is that really done? When it is reactionary, out of a fit of rage, this is physical abuse
- Emotional Abuse: Invisible Yet Deadly
- can be a whole lot more harmful to a child even though a hand has never been uses
- when a parent uses his/her power to play mind games of some sort by rejecting, degrading, terrorizing and denying emotional responsiveness
- our tongues can be the most destructive weapons, using our speech to belittle, name-call, compare, curse, shame, threaten, instill guilt, give negative predictions and blame (scapegoating) our children
- moms that are hot one minute and cold the next: "disciplining with control one moment, berating and punishing the next" pg. 124
- Spiritual Abuse
- "the misuse or neglect or both of the parental authority entrusted to us by our heavenly Father - especially the distortion of our children's perception of God and His holy character" pg. 125
- as Christians, we are to be living examples of Christ Himself to our children
- that means we are to model Him (with the Spirit's help): "kind, slow to anger, merciful, gracious, righteous, abounding in loving-kindness, a stronghold, a shield, a protector, a defender of the weak, perfect, sure, pure, true..."
- are they learning about God through how we treat them?
- how will they understand God's mercy if we don't show it to them? What about grace? Forgiveness?
Yes, you can be angry and not sin, but letting our anger control us is sin. It is listed in Galatians 5 with other sins of the flesh, right there along with idolatry and sorcery. However, there is a remedy: confession, forgiveness, true repentance, and a renewing of the mind.
My Thoughts:
When we think of the definitions provided, we can see how easily done it is, to go too far, either physically, emotionally or spiritually. When I hear the word 'abuse', I often think of physical or emotional. I can be very quick with my tongue (which made me pick up this book in the first place!), but spiritual? I never thought of that!! That was a whole section that gave me much food for thought.
I also completely agree that you can be angry and not sin. Just look at God. There are many times in the Bible that He expresses His anger, and yet He remained/s sinless. While I agree it can be done, as a parent, this would be very difficult to maintain.
I love how, just when you feel so low about the damage done thanks to your anger, Barnhill reminds us that not all is lost when we turn to God. Like Barnhill states, our God is big!! And He only can help us with this. What comfort this is! And to finish this chapter up with 6 Bible verses to meditate on is so encouraging. She brings it all back to the Word.
Your Thoughts:
What about you....have you ever thought of the concept of spiritual abuse?
Do you find yourself going from one extreme to the other, leaving your kids confused as to who they are dealing with, which makes them often retreat?
And a question straight from the book: What lessons about God are your children learning by the way you treat them?
Which Bible verse she has listed speaks to you the most?
Are you enjoying the book/weekly post?
Prayer Points:
- for a better awareness of how I may be abusing my children emotionally and most importantly, spiritually
- for the Holy Spirit, to help me reflect Christ to my children
- to show grace, mercy and forgiveness to my children
- to trust in God when I start to feel things building up
- for all those who have damaged their children badly, while not intending to
- thankful for the hope, grace, mercy and forgiveness I may find in my Lord and Saviour
- for His Word
We are finished with Part One, and will head into Part Two: Climbing to Sanity. For next Thursday, we will look at Chapter 6: The Bedrock of Truth - Exploring the Biblical Foundations for Change.
I hope this book/posts has been beneficial to you as it has been for me. While it hasn't turned into a real Book Talk (more of a monologue than a dialogue), doing this every week has held me accountable, otherwise I would have read Chapters, 1 and 2, possibly 3, and then put the book down and let it collect dust. Doing it this way, I am forced to read it. And I am so glad!!
See you soon with a much lighter post.....this blog has turned rather "heavy". Time to lighten it up a bit!! :o)
I don't have the book but I am finding your summaries/thoughts very helpful!
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