Chapter 2 and 3 - She's Gonna Blow!

Welcome to our second week! A little different format today due to two chapters. I'll first write a summary on both chapters, and then move onto Thoughts, Your Thoughts, Prayer Points and Next Time.

Chapter 2 - Volcanoes 101. Understanding How She Blows

Summary:
After having discovered that she would describe herself in many different ways as a mother, but the one that shocked her was the word 'angry', Barnhill continues on in Chapter 2 with a list of different types of volcanoes. She uses a volcano as an illustration of our blow ups, a very good illustration, as we all know that "a volcano explodes under pressure." She gives a description of what I know we all can relate to: "In an instant we can change from the peaceful, nourishing women we want to be into Mount Momma - spitting fire and brimstone at all who cross our path." pg. 34.

Barnhill then describes 4 different volcanos:

1. The Stombolian - eruptions are fairly short and somewhat predictable; not too much damage (or so we think) as it is just a few cinders here and there
2. The Hawaiian - "chronic, simmering anger"; anger doesn't seem all that dangerous on the surface; eruption will be verbal, words masked as innocent comments and actions but it can go on for a very long time
3. The Vulcanian - "explosion is loud, scary, and dangerous"; verbal, physical and emotional, which Barnhill call shrapnel; unpredictable and not over quickly
4. The Plinian - "most violent of eruptions due to the sheer volume of material ejected by the eruption and the sheer power of the explosion that throws it out"

After listing the types of volcanoes, Barnhill lists a few things that are damaged due to our volcanic eruptions:

• Our children's sense of security
• Our spouse's trust
• Our relationship with God

Barnhill then ends the chapter with encouragement, of reminding us that there is hope for us, no matter what volcano we may be described as. She puts forth a challenge for her readers, "to be willing to hear the truth and deal with the details...". She states what she wants from her readers, and that is that we start recognizing and understanding anger and what our triggers are.  And she reminds us of this:
"I want you to know that defusing Mount Momma is not a matter of being able to keep one more promise of control, but of giving control to the One who made you and knows your mother heart as no one else does."

Chapter 3 - Warning Signs. How to Know When You're Gonna Blow

Summary:
Barnhill starts Chapter 3 with a story of a typical drive in the car with young children, a story that has us chuckling as we've all been there, either as the parent driving the car or the child many years ago, watching mom "handling the steering with the left arm, with the right arm flailing madly over the seat - hoping to make a meaningful connection with anyone moving".

Barnhill then uses everyday dangers that have signs and signals to warn us of them (train whistles, tornado sirens etc.). The key though is that we *recognize* them as that: warning signs of danger. If we don't recognize them, they do not protect us.

She then proceeds to list 3 Warning Signs which would signal to us that we are nearing danger, volcanic eruption:

1. Swarms of Smaller Earthquakes - as moms, our days are filled with all kinds of different little earthquakes (i.e. visual annoyances like never-ending laundry, kitchen that is never completely mess-free, which are triggers to set off little quakes); each one of these by themselves aren't much in themselves, but put one after another and wham-o, an eruption is bound to happen
2. Sulfur Dioxide Emissions - "as a volcano nears eruption it will release toxic gases that can endanger human life and health"; emissions of negativity via speech and body language
3. Physical Swelling of the Slope - hard to describe except imagining what we may look like as we are about to blow it

She then points out a few physical signs of anger like tense muscles, clenched teeth, flushed face, shallow breathing, feelings of fear, helplessness, frustration, disappointment, exhaustion.

Thoughts:
Once again, while reading the two chapters, I found myself often nodding in agreement, sighing in acknowledgement and laughing during incidents that Barnhill uses to get her points across. I enjoyed the 4 different volcanoes she describes, even though I had a hard time figuring out which one fits me the best. I do believe there have been times where I could have been any of them, with the 4th one being the least. There are times where my anger seems chronic, which leaves me very unsettled and unhappy. There are also times when my explosions have been predictable as well as unpredictable.

I have noticed in my eruptions that once I cross a line, it's easier the next time to cross that line again. For example, we all know that to yell "Shut up" at our children is completely wrong. But once we've yelled it, the next time it'll be right there on the tip of our tongues and will come out a whole lot quicker than the last time.

What I have also noticed over the last 4.5 years, even before reading this book, is that the more I recognize my triggers and warning signs, my eruptions are less unpredictable. While predictable eruptions are not great, I will say that thankfully, over the last years, many unpredictable eruptions became predictable which has meant that many 'what would have been disastrous eruptions' have been diffused before exploding. And that is exactly what she talks about in Chapter 3.

I love how she uses everyday warning signs that we come across as we are out and about, that warn us of danger. Even a yellow light warns us that a red light is coming next and if we don't recognize that, an accident may very well happen. How true then it is that we also recognize the warning signs in ourselves, that a potentially dangerous explosion is around the corner, and if we don't recognize those signs, the volcano will erupt. And for everyone, those warning signs may be different.

Question 2 asks for what actions that have helped me to short-circuit my explosions. I will share a few, hoping that maybe one of them might help you. I have found that when I am ready to explode, I just need to be heard, and so I will call someone, that someone being my husband (be sure to have a couple back ups just in case your lifeline doesn't answer, which is *sure* to make that explosion happen!). Just talking with him for 2 minutes calms me right down. It also means I am separated from the situation a bit as I am holed up in my bedroom in order to talk to him.

Another action that helps but doesn't always come easy (or even done in the right way) is to pray. I have always found prayer helpful as it puts things into perspective. Hopefully over time my prayer is not one of exasperation, but has the  proper tone of reliance on my God.

Your Thoughts:
Are you able to relate to any or all of the volcanoes she has described? Has recognizing your trigger points (Chapter 1) helped you? If you have found a way that helps you to diffuse an eruption before it happening, do share!! If it worked for you, it may very well work for someone else!

Prayer Points:

• for forgiveness no matter which volcano I am
• for giving up control to God, who knows me inside out
• gratefulness for my husband. He is my Prairie to my volcano
• thankfulness for the work God has been already doing in me before this book was picked up
• for other hurting and angry moms
• for open eyes to help me to recognize my warning signs
• to recognize that even my negative body language is just as much of a sin as my negative verbal language (my children have yet to roll their eyes, but they certainly are masters of sighing, groaning, 'grrrrrring', thanks to mom).
• to be the mother He has called me to be and to do this peacefully

Next Time:
For next Thursday, May 22nd, be ready for Chapter 4 - Underground Issues. Understanding Why She Blows.

P.S. Thanks to those who have commented and emailed me after last week's post on Chapter One. You are an encouragement to me!