She's Gonna Blow - Chapter 1

Do you know how often I went to the blog last week to delete that post about doing this Book Talk, specifically because of what the book was about? Worrying about what others may think of me has paralyzed me on more than one occasion. But the fact that I *know* full well I am not the only one that has struggled a bit with keeping "it altogether" has kept me from hitting that button to delete.

So, off we start.

First off, welcome. I have no idea how this is going to go as I have never done this before, but we shall see. Having never done this before has made me quite nervous, but onward we shall go.

Secondly, thank you. Thank you for joining me in this. It is not easy to admit you are reading this book (which is why I don't expect a whole lot of comments, but maybe you'll surprise me :o). I do encourage you to share your thoughts (and remain anonymous if you like!) as I always find it so interesting how people can read the same chapter and yet take different things from it.

The format we will do will look like this: Summary, Thoughts, Your Thoughts, Points of Prayer, and Next Time. This format might very well change, depending on how things go.

Introduction and Chapter One - How Did I Get Here?

Summary:
Julie Ann Barnhill starts off her book with the words you have never been alone. She had been given an opportunity to speak at a lecture hall, to present "She's Gonna Blow" to 100s of women. And what she found out through that experience is what she wants to tell us: you are not alone.

No, you are not the only one that has a built-up frustration toward your children. You and I are not the only ones that have blown it and now question what do I do now?

And so that is the purpose of this book, to tackle that question. In Barnhill's words "it's a practical guide for anyone who is wrestling with the down-to-earth and often infuriating realities of being a mom. It's also a loving message from a mother who's blown it more times than she can count - but who, with God's grace, is finally learning how to handle her anger better." pg.  12

She ends the Introduction with a beautiful text, verses from Ps. 103. She reminds us that God, our Father, has seen our struggles and our tears, and He is there within our reach. Despite us feeling like we are not worthy of God's grace and mercy, He ultimately continues to give it.

Chapter One begins with a funny story of how Barnhill came to the point of unwelcoming discoveries about motherhood, bringing along anger and really blowing it. She points out that "motherhood was to be the impetus of monumental changes in my life".  She recounts another incident with her lovely daughter, an incident that I am sure we have all found ourselves in. She admits how she reacted to her daughter in anger which made her really question: what kind of mother am I?

She describes what she *thought* she would be as a mother, before she had her first child, to what she actually *is* as a mother, now that she had children. One of those descriptive words of herself was the term 'angry' - "yelling, screaming, or acting out in an uncontrolled manner", a word she would never have used to describe herself before having children.

Coming to terms with this has meant admittance (at her Bible Study) as well as understanding how much damage she was capable of while blowing up, and what she resembles: Mount Momma, a volcanic mountain.

Thoughts:
I picked this book off my shelf a few weeks ago after a less than stellar momma moment - yelling at my children, grinding my teeth in frustration, clenching my hands until my knuckles turned white, all at the same time (oh, believe me, you can grind your teeth and yell at the same time....). I knew this had to stop, that this just was not acceptable. Not in my children's eyes, my eyes, and especially not in God's eyes.

As a mother, I set the tone for my home. If I am angry, everyone knows it, and before I know it, my whole family is walking around, being snippy at each other. Like the saying goes, "If momma ain't happy, no one is happy.". And unfortunately, this statement can't be more true.

So, "how did I get here"? It's funny (well, not really), but I thought I would be that calm mother, one full of gentleness yet firm. I mean, I was a teacher after all, for 10 years!! Being with children was my career, and not once in 10 years did I blow it to a point that I was out of control. So I figured with 10 years experience, I would know how to handle most things in a harmonious way. HA!!!!!

There have definitely been times where I had lost it, only to reflect back that I looked no different than my two year old, who also had lost it. Aren't I the adult?! What kind of mother am I?! And that night would leave me sleepless as the guilt would assail me, as well as self-destruction, beating myself up for being such a crappy mother and like Barnhill wrote, finding myself promising that I will never, ever do that again.

After reading Chapter One, I have come to admit many of my trigger points. I will mention three:

1. Being lonely and bored. Yes, while I complain out of one side of my mouth that I never get a moment to myself, I state that I can become lonely. This usually is attributed to not being busy enough. Thanks to talking with my sister, I have come to realize that my being lonely means I am not doing enough to serve either my family or those outside of my family. And when I am bored/lonely, I easily get frustrated and discontent. And guess who gets the brunt of this discontentment? Using Proverbs 31 as an example, my sister reminded me lovingly to take a look at that woman and see why she was not bored or lonely (the Bible warns of idleness often, and for very good reason).
2. The consequence of being bored/lonely means I go on the computer, on Facebook, read blogs, read articles etc. But then I get totally ripped off when one of the kids interrupt me while I am busy reading "important" things. I knew this was a trigger for quite some time, and so after reading Chapter One, I have set a new rule in place: absolutely no computer from the time the kids get up to the time they go to bed at night. And it has been two weeks since this rule has been put into place and my, how liberating it is! Yes, I have broken it once or twice, but it was very easy to put back into place again as I so enjoyed the freedom of it (so silly, eh?!). I do have a blackberry which has my emails, but I do not know how to use the internet on it. And it'll remain this way. But let me tell you, not only has it helped me from lashing out at my children, it's amazing how much time I have to clean the house now!! ;o)
3. Another trigger is when I feel there is no way out of a situation. An example: I can not handle a crying baby/child in the car. I feel stuck as I can't just pull over or help the child, and so my chest starts restricting and I get anxious and panicky. The result? I lose it.

Your Thoughts:
I am pretty sure I won't hear a whole lot of thoughts here, but I know you have them!! :o) Share them if you are comfortable (even under 'anonymous'). Let me know what you think of the book so far, what stuck out for you in what we've read in Chapter One. What are your thoughts as you consider "How did I get here?"? Possibly you'd like to share an answer or two from the questions at the end of the chapter. And any encouragement/tips you have found that has helped you is also greatly appreciated.

Prayer Points:
I'd like to end each discussion with points of prayer, as we know we can't do anything on our own. We can read all the 'self-help' books out there to become a "better" person, but it just won't work without knowing who we are, who we belong to and Who we need. And so, the following are my prayer points for the week:

• thankful to God for placing very important people in my life who support me, especially my husband (that man is amazing!!!) and close friends who I can go to for help
• thankful that being a mother or wife does not identify me, but being a child of God does
• help in remembering that exact point: I am a child of God and so I have purpose: to glorify Him in *all* that I do
• help me to let go of guilt and to move on
• to help us listen to each other and support each other without judgment
• to help me recognize my triggers and then to give me the strength to do what I have to do to eliminate those triggars
• thankful for the two wonderful, beautiful treasures He has given to me

Next Time:
We will meet next Thursday to discuss Chapter Two AND Chapter Three. Be prepared to know your volcanoes!! :o)