The Inevitable

My last blog post was about Keziah - that she is now 5. This is exciting stuff!! She is now the age that I can remember myself. I can't remember too many things before 5, but I do remember quite a few things when I was 5, the biggest being the start of my schooling career.

Well, one more night sleeping, and our daughter will embark on her schooling career! As I type this, she is sound asleep already, looking so little and too small to leave the home for school.

Tomorrow, bright and early, she will be heading to school. I am supposed to have her at the bus stop at 7 am. That's right - I told you her day will be bright and early!! But seeing as I have to drive her to the bus stop, I might as well let her sleep longer and drive her to school, which is only 7 minutes away.

As the start of her schooling becomes closer, I am feeling like any other first time parent out there. I am filled with so many mixed emotions about it all. And all these emotions come over me in waves. Sometimes the waves are nicely rolling in, while other times it feels like I am drowning in them as they crush me.

Just coming to terms with the fact that she will be out of the home more on the days she goes to school than in the home has been difficult. It leaves me breathless and frantic - worrying and feeling guilty for all the times that I shooed her away the last 5 years instead of spending each and every waking moment with her.

But then I reassure myself that it is just Kindergarten, which means she will not be going everyday, just Tuesdays, Thursdays and every other Friday. That means I have every Monday and Wednesday with her yet. Phew!!

Then, just when I think everything will be okay,  I think about her all on her own with her birthmark, and the waves come crashing down around me again. For the most part, the last 5 years we have been there to help her through so many difficult social situations, where she was put on the spot for her birthmark. Every time she answered like a champ, but I (or Nathan) was always there to help her along. Now she'll be out on her own and having to deal with it without us keeping an eye on the situation. That makes me feel engulfed with doubts of whether I have prepared her enough to handle these situations.

However, I did mention that some waves come rolling in nicely. These are the waves that ease my thoughts, waves that wash over me and make me feel relaxed, thankful and at peace with this new stage that is about to start.

We are ever so grateful that we have the privilege of sending Keziah to a school where she will be taught by people who profess and believe the same promises that we do; we are so thankful that she may attend a school that is a sister school that was started by our grandparents, people who worked very hard to start our own Christian schools. She will not only learn her ABCs and 123s, but will continue to grow and learn what it means to be a fruitful citizen in the kingdom of God.

Our gratitude continues when we realize the privilege that our daughter may actually *get* an education - with no fears of being shot at; or having to walk 2 miles in the heat; she may go each day with a full stomach; she may go where there will be new pencils, workbooks, crayons and glue waiting for her, a beautiful playground filled with lots of children.

When the realities of life come washing over me, I need to remember to look for the one and only Life Preserver - our Father. Not only will Keziah go to school tomorrow with a new back pack, shoes, a lunch and a stuffie, she will be going with her Lord, who is constantly watching over her. And it is that fact that makes tomorrow a little easier to welcome.

We pray for all those who will be involved in Keziah's education. May God continue to bless schools and teachers everywhere. And may He be especially with those in countries where parents would love to send their children, but have absolutely no money to buy food, never mind finding a penny for education of their little ones. We pray that ways may be found for these little children to also learn to read and write. And we pray that the privileges we have here in Canada may never, ever be lost on us.