Adoption Bliss, No? Part 3 (last one!)

Finally, we have come to the last part of Adoption Bliss, No?

So I have written about what caused the adoption blues for me and how it affected me. Please note that everyone's blues can be caused by different things, and everyone's reactions to those reasons are also vastly different from one person to the next.

I think the key is to really know it can happen to you and to not deny it - even when you are being educated about it. You see, it shouldn't have slammed me over the head like a wet salmon. We were told it was a normal part of adoption. In all the courses we had to take, Adoption Blues was mentioned - that it was a very real concept and to be prepared for it. So why didn't I recognize it and much less acknowledge it when I had an inkling that's what I was dealing with?!

Because when they were talking about it in those courses, I tuned them out. That's right. I let those words go in one ear and out the other. I didn't need to worry about adoption blues - are you kidding me? I LOVE babies!! And I have loved babies since I was a baby! Babies were magnets for me for as long as I could remember. I dreamed about having babies. My dolls were very real to me (just ask my older sister.....). You had a crying fussy baby? Give him to me. Guaranteed that baby would be sleeping calmly in my arms within 5 minutes from you giving me your baby.  I lived and breathed babies, especially when I was a teenager and in my early to mid 20s.

And now someone is going to say I need to be aware of adoption blues?! Humph. Not on your life!!

So I think this was my first introduction to Humble Pie. I have yet to put that fork away 6 years later.....it's a pie that keeps on giving! :o) But that's a whole other blog post.....

So yes, know that Adoption Blues can hit you no matter how much you love your baby.

Now, how can you cope? Any tricks out there that can get you through? To be honest, everyone is different when it comes to this. For me, just admitting it helped immensely. I had (and still have) such a supportive husband, one who guided me through all those months, who encouraged me, who was there continually to pick me back up. He is the one that made me read a check list for Adoption Blues, not to point it all out to me in a negative way, but to help me to see what I was struggling with.

But really, when I was in the deepness of it, just trying to follow through with a method or trick was just too much. Looking back, it's easy to say, "Now, why didn't I do that to help?" or "Why didn't I ask for help?" or "Why wasn't I just honest with others??", but when you are *in* it, your thoughts are not always thinking straight.

So if you can recognize it before you go too deep, that is such a blessing. Pray, pray, pray, and use the people in your life God has given you. Know yourself and get to know what works for you i.e. walks, talking with others, helping others, reading, baking, finding a hobby, whatever. Only you know yourself the best.

Now that leaves some of you - the ones who are the people who are in the lives of those who have adopted. What can you do?

First off, doing what you are doing right now is already beneficial. You are learning about it by reading this.  Read up on the signs/symptoms so you may be able to recognize them. By educating yourself, you are now more aware of this happening, knowing it can happen to anyone who has adopted.

Secondly, ask the right questions and learn to hear the answers. We all lie - we have all said we are fine when we are not. When you ask someone who has received a baby/child through adoption, be sincere in your question of "How is it going? Like, how is it really going?". And then listen. Listen well. Did you know 'listen' and 'silent' have the same letters, just in a different order? So in order to listen, we need to be silent. This is hard to do!! We usually are working on a response while we listen, but then our minds aren't being silent, are they?

Read the body language, as well as the eyes. Those things can be so much louder than the verbal, "Oh, things are going great!". (actually, all of this could be applied to all conversations, not just when dealing with adoption).

And if someone does confide in you that things are a bit tough, it's been a huge adjustment etc. please, please, PLEASE do not say, "Yeah, I am sure things are tough, but hey, be thankful!!! You have now what you have prayed for! Enjoy every minute 'cause it goes so fast!" No, no, no, no, no. Someone who is confiding in you *is* a thankful person! We most certainly realize the gift we've been given - why do you think we feel so guilty about having a hard time?!

The one statement that makes me cringe the most is "This too shall pass." I know, I KNOW this too shall pass, but right now?! This tough moment is NOT passing soon enough!!!!!

But that's just me......obviously others handle that statement much better than I do, or else it wouldn't be so common.

I also encourage all, adoptive parents and those who know adoptive parents well, to read the two links. There is so much out there about this topic, but I chose just these two links.

http://www.babycenter.com/0_baby-shock-dealing-with-post-adoption-depression_1374199.bc

http://adoption.com/post-adoption-depression

Together we can do our best to help those around us. That is what we are called to do as God's people - to pray for each other and carry each other's burdens.

I praise God for watching over me that first year. I thank Him for giving me what I need today so I don't look back too often to that first year with regret and shame. I am thankful for the people He has placed in my life.

I am so humbled and thankful for the two blessings, Keziah and Lincoln, that God has given me. I do not deserve them, yet out of His graciousness, He has allowed me to be their mother. May He continue to bless me in this task. I love them fiercely and sometimes I am still in disbelief that they are ours. They are such treasures from our Heavenly Father, treasures that I get to enjoy each and every day. Thank you, God!!!

And thank YOU for reading all of this. I promise my next post shall be of a much lighter nature!