Helder Happenings: Love

Well, I did say to talk to me in a few days to see how well I've adjusted from doing nothing to running after a 3.5 and 1 year old. Let's just say yesterday was a write-off :o(

I don't expect you to feel sorry for me as all of this is to be expected when you are away on a holiday from your children. However, I always said I would like my blog to be honest. And so I will share my day yesterday.

By the time supper rolled around, I was in tears. I had a very whiny and unhappy boy on my hands, one who would NOT let me out of his sight. He literally hung onto my apron strings all. day. long.

And then there was darling Keziah, who picked up right from where she left off before we were gone: attitude of a sixteen year old. People say the twos are terrible?? I don't know if the 3s are terrible, but they are definitely a whole lot more emotionally draining and exhaustive than the 2s. Maybe that's just in my home.....

I won't list Keziah's behavioural struggles as I don't think that is something that needs to be done here in such a public forum. That is not fair to her. All I will say is that the Time Out spot has reappeared in our home. Whether it's for her or for me is yet to be seen.

If I talk of anybody's struggles it'll be mine. Often our best traits are our worst traits. I am a perfectionist. While that can be good in certain circumstances, overall it is not a positive characteristic to have. This striving for perfectionism comes up often throughout the day as a mother and wife. A simple example: yesterday I ironed 5 of Nathan's shirt. I shut the iron off, put it all away, hung up his shirts in the closet only to turn around and find another shirt that needed to be ironed that was hanging behind the door. Oh, did that one shirt bother me!!! It meant that I couldn't say all the ironing was perfectly done!

Well, you can imagine how this "perfectionist" attitude is not good as a parent. It's not that I expect my kids to be perfect, but more that I expect myself to be a perfect parent, which I guess would be shown through perfect kids.....hmmm. Now there's an eye-opening thought for me to chew on.

Because I have a hard time picking my battles with the children, I often catch myself choosing every single battle. And that is why by suppertime, I was done. I was exhausted, filled with guilt and hopelessness. It wasn't lost on me that it was Valentine's Day, either :o(. Yeah. Not a whole lot of loving going on this Valentine's Day!!

But I cannot leave it at this. Last night, I expressed my struggles to my ever-patient hubby. He was there to listen and gently remind me that 80% needs to be seen as good enough. To get to 100% (perfection) is difficult and time-consuming. That last 20% takes more energy than the first 80%! And it's so true! Back to the example of his wrinkled shirt: if I took it and ironed it (just to say all the ironing was done), I would have had to pull out the ironing board, wait for the iron to get hot, iron it and put it all away again. And of course, in the meantime my daughter will need me for something, it's time to start supper ('cause you know, I timed the ironing of the first 5 shirts perfectly so that I'd be all done before it was time to make supper), the house is upside down, and Lincoln needs a diaper change - and all of that would have suffered just to get that last shirt ironed! Yes, the fact that I got 5 shirts ironed (my 80%) is good enough.

Now it is time to apply that 80% to my parenting. So far today has been a good day. Keziah woke up and at breakfast we had a good chat, where I explained that how things went yesterday was not fun, and so instead of the decibels of our voices going up like it was, the Time Out spot is going to be used (which, by the way, has not been used yet!! It seems like the introduction of one has already helped....today anyway.

I also read Ps. 13, which was very helpful to me. Although I do not have "enemies" in the human form (not that I know of anyway :o), my enemy is my perfectionism. And so I found this Psalm to be helpful, to know and trust that God WILL help me when this enemy rears its ugly head. I can rest in that knowledge.

And if I really think about it, 80% of my day yesterday was good (and no, it wasn't just when they were napping :o)!! I need to stop focussing on the 20% that wasn't! Yes, learn from it but not get hung up about it all.

And no, I won't leave you with just one picture. It was afterall, Valentine's Day yesterday. And despite having 20% tough day, we sure do know how to show the love around here!!!

We have gone from kissing like this: