So, you made it....done all the paperwork, your friends and family have vouched for you and nothing has come up in the past that marks you with a red flag. Every door in your house has a lock at the top and you now are used to showering in lukewarm water. You did it!!!
Now begins The Wait. The Wait may be different, depending on the organization you went with. You might be waiting for a call, or an email. We went privately, so that means we received emails for potential adoptive opportunities.
This leaves you checking your email 87 times a day, all with the hopes of "maybe this time there's something.....", only to see that there's only an email for the latest wagjag deal for a kids' indoor playground, which only pierces your heart more as you realize in order to enjoy that deal, you kind of need a kid.
Days go by, weeks, and then months. Deep down, you know it could take many years. After all, there were plenty of people who told you that! Sigh. You try to keep busy.
And then, one day there's an email. Your heart stops. You read through the very few details, call your spouse franticly, all the while praying that this could be the one!!! And then, as you read more carefully through the details, there are red flags. And you realize that this one is not to be. So you turn it down. And then the guilt hits. Doesn't every child deserve a Christian home?! Lord, were we wrong? Will this be the only potential this year and we turned it down???
Finally, what seems like too long, there's another email. One that "fits" us! And so we say "Yes! Please present us to the birth parents!". And a new waiting begins. Will they choose us? What do they think while looking through the Profile Book? Will they click with us through that Profile Book? Should we start getting things ready? Even though you warn yourself not to "go there", you start to picture a little one in your arms. You have a name picked out. You envision how you will share the news with family and friends.
But then the world stops. You've received word. And it's NO. No, you were not chosen. She/they chose someone else (or possibly chose to parent). Although you've tried to guard your heart, keeping your hopes low, you don't realize until you hear this devastating news how high your hopes actually were. You are crushed. It is not to be. Why?! Oh, WHY NOT US?! What was wrong with us?! Was there something in the Profile Book that they misunderstood? Because honestly, in our eyes, we see ourselves as the best potential parents out there!
And so, The Wait continues. Sometimes for weeks/months before you hear news of another potential (In our case, Keziah's email was the second one but the first one we were interested in while waiting; Lincoln's was the third one out of 18 that we 'went after').
At last, you receive a potential that seems to be a 'good' one, one that looks promising. Again, you allow your Profile Book to be seen, all the while trying hard to protect your heart this time. You have no idea when the birth parent(s) will see it, or what they are thinking. You wait, trying to live your life normally, as if nothing is happening. It could very well be a 'no'. You again try to protect your heart from hurt, from rejection. Yet, once again, it's another 'no'. Your hopes plummet faster than your body temperature if dipped into icy Lake Ontario.
The Roller Coaster ride continues. Will you ever be chosen? Is God saying adoption is not for your family? Is there one out there for us?! Will we ever get to hear a 'yes'?! How long can we endure this?!
But you stick it out. Waiting.
The days go by. You can't help but feel that everyone is having a baby, but you.
It's a Friday evening. You are exhausted from work. Before you go to bed, you check your email just one more time (113th time that day, but who's counting anyway?). There is an email. You cautiously proceed, praying earnestly that this is the one. And if not, you pray for peace, resting in the knowledge that God is sovereign. You allow your Profile Book to be seen. Again.
What seems like an eternity, you receive word: Yes. This time it's a yes!!! Hallelujah!!!!! Praise God! Really?! We were liked??? They chose us?! Oh yes!!!! So exciting! And if you are like me, guilt also nudges my heart as I realize that while we received a "yes" email/phone call, other families received a 'no' for this very one.
But the wait is not over! (Again, I can only comment on our experiences. With Keziah we were chosen early, and had to wait 4 more months before she was born. With Lincoln, it was only 5 weeks).
You start getting things ready. In due time you share the exciting news with all our loved ones. But you are guarded. Your feelings are reserved. For while there is excitement, you can never, ever forget that this promised baby is not yours.
At any moment, the birth parents can change their minds. And rightly so. You are incredibly aware that while you've been chosen, you can be quickly 'un-chosen'. And so you spend time in humble prayer before God, pleading with Him that this child He has created may be brought into your home.
In God's timing, this baby is born. You are called to meet "your" little one. You take him/her home. But guess what? Don't think The Wait is over! Oh no. And if you thought The Wait before was painful? How about waiting for more than a month to see if the birth parents will change their minds and take their baby back? All the while with that little one in your arms?! My, oh my. This part still makes me tear up. While it didn't happen to us, the possibility of the birth parents taking their baby back is real and great.
It is not until that time period is over (minimum 29 days) that you can finally, FINALLY celebrate the addition to your family without restraint. And so begins a new dimension to your life, a life that includes a child.
So tell me. Would you agree with me that Adoption is not for the faint of heart?
I do not want you to go away from this though, thinking that it is impossible. For if it is God's will to adopt, it is possible, for He will make it possible. We will talk more of this God, our Fortress, in my next post, and what we learned about Him.
The intent of this post was to invite you to take a side car on the roller coaster ride. Yes, I was honest, even brutal, to the point you may leave thinking "Well, hasn't she ever put a negative slant on Adoption." No, not negative. Just truthful. And you could say I am negative about it if I were to leave it at just these two posts. But as you know, there are a few more posts coming. And hopefully, at the end of the month, you will see how Adoption is not just difficult. It can be beautiful. There are so many positives about it as well! And while I may not find this roller coaster in an Amusement Park, it is one ride that we are so thankful to have been on and are on.
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