What Adoption Has Taught Us - Part 3

.....about God.

Adoption has taught us many things, but the one the stands out the most is what we learned about our God and Father.

But let me be honest (you wouldn't expect anything less, right ;), to write this post has definitely been the hardest one out of the 4 (one more coming, which is pretty much done already, in my head anyway).

Why? Well, there is so much that we have learned that there is no way I could write it all down in one, two or even three posts.

Another factor in making this such a hard post to write (I have written, deleted, written, deleted, more times for this post than any other yet) is because, well, if I were to read a post written by somebody who has 2 healthy children after a long journey of infertility and adoption, and that person writes about how loving God is, how gracious He is, and how He wants the best for us, the cynic in me would be "Well, of course. You got what you wanted, what you've been desiring for so many years.". Yes, cynicism is a reaction of mine that I am not proud of, a reaction that can rear its ugly head as soon as the seed of bitterness has been planted.

But please do not let cynicism creep into your heart. But read on, with an open mind and heart, and read the following poem It is a poem that is such a source of comfort while going through any trial that God has placed on your path.

Wait by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

Does that not bring a tear to your eye???! This poem sums it all up for me.

But I can't leave it at just a poem, because really, it is His Word that provides all comfort, hope and security. Again, let me be honest....while going through the whole adoption rig-a-ma-role, it was not always His Word I turned to. No. Rather than turn to God, I often turned on to God, in a very sinful and accusing way. There were days on this roller coaster ride, where I walked away from Him, where I was so angry with Him that I kept His Word closed. Boy, am I ever thankful that He never walked away from me. I am thankful that while I may not have turned to His Word during those dark days, He worked His Spirit in me to repent, and then open His Word. And I pray that this Spirit will continue to guide me and teach me, to especially open His Word while the trial is the hardest, and not to leave it to once it has passed.

Here are some Bible passages that I found to be incredibly helpful, passages that kept the big picture in  mind (why we are here, what purpose and what the end goal is), and verses that spoke of how important it is to always, always, know that it is not my will, but His will. And that I may willingly accept His will. Of course, this list is not complete. It is just a beginning.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek with all your heart." Jeremiah 29: 11-13. The key words here are seeking the LORD with all your heart. THAT is what we are here for, our purpose: to seek Him with all our heart.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41: 10. These are God's words to you and me!!!! He is our God.

"For this God is our God for ever and ever; He will be our guide even to the end." Ps. 48: 14. He is our God, our guide. To the end!! That's His promise!!

And really, I could list a whole whack of Psalms here. How often did David not cry out to the LORD to hear his cry for help? How often did he not ask God to save him from his enemies? No, we might not have a king or an army wanting to kill us, but we do have enemies as well: Satan and all his army. So we can cry out with David to the same God.....but always note how David ends his cries: humbly praising this God as well.

Lastly, when I really struggle with God and His plans, I only have to read Job38-41:34. These chapters get me every single time. They put me back in my place: the creature. And they put God back where He belongs: the Creator. These chapters make me fall on my knees in awe, reverence and humility. These chapters put everything into perspective for me. It makes me feel a millimetre high.

Yet, while I may feel a mm high, this God, who is immeasurable, loves me. And sent His Son for me. And that's what it is all about. It is not about a baby. It is not about receiving everything for this life, to make this life happier. It is about repenting, converting, realizing what He has done out of His great love. And that can only leave one living out of thankfulness for Him, running the race until we may receive the reward that is waiting for us; a reward that is promised to His children.

It is my prayer that I may remember all of this tomorrow as we embark another bump in the road, not in adoption, but in life, the life of our daughter's medical journey. Life is not easy, as all of you know. And so what a comfort it is that we may travel it with God as our guide. We are not alone.