NIAW - Descriptions Expanded (Part 1)

So, the other day I listed a bunch of words that came to mind when I thought of infertility. I would like to touch upon a few of those words to explain what I mean. The words I'd like to focus on are the ones that made that list which may have surprised you:  special, refining,  faith-booster, new dreams.

I picked those ones because I think it doesn't take a rocket-scientist to figure out how infertility can be gut-wrenching, private, lonely, exposed, complicated, and filled with lots of dashed hopes. But how can infertility be special? Refining? And how can I say it not only is a faith-breaker, but a faith-booster?? And what is this about new dreams?

Infertility was a part of our relationship early on. Medically speaking, there was absolutely no way we would be able to conceive and have a child. Our infertility was explained (with an actual diagnosis and name), whereas for many, infertility is unexplained. I do believe there are pros and cons to either one. But I can only speak of ours.

For us, we did not have to try month after month. We did not have to see doctor after doctor. We didn't need to experience invasive procedures; we knew it would never happen. Having said that, that does not mean we undermine what God could do. We know God can do anything and that no obstacle would ever be too large for Him. However, He also gave us a brain. And we knew as a couple, we had to embrace this diagnosis and live with it; basically, deal with it instead of hope for a baby (biological, that is).

I would think that it is "easier" to deal with a for sure "no" than a "maybe". The "maybe" lends to hope, whereas the "no" means no. I work better with that. God knew that.

When we were content with knowing we would never have a biological child, we could see that having infertility was special. I know, a bizarre way of looking at it, eh? But it was!! It was special because God could use us in ways that others could not because they had children. We were able to help out a lot in the church, by being mentors to the young people; we were able to help out our friends (who all had little kids and at times were overwhelmed) by taking these little ones for a night or two while the parents could enjoy some time on their own. A very big way I saw infertility as special is the fact that I was able to teach for 10 years, showering love on children all day long......and then give them back at the end of the day :o). One last way we could see specialness in infertility was in our relationship. We did everything together. We were one in every sense of the word. Best friends. To experience that is special indeed.

However, just because it was a for sure no and many times we could enjoy the specialness of it, we still have gone through some very dark moments as a couple. There were times where the loss engulfed us, surrounded  and swallowed us up, with no way out. Or so we thought. When you are in it, those tough times can be so encompassing. But when you slowly move your way out of it, that is when you are able to see things in a new light. Hindsight does that to anyone. And that is when refinement has taken place.

(to be continued.....)