Now, a list for those of us who carry this burden. Again, remember that I can only speak for ourselves. Some of my "do's" may be someone's "don'ts" and vice versa. And at certain times, what I have listed as a do is something I shied away from. But in the end it only hurt myself and those that actually were trying to care.
Do know that most people are genuine and mean well in their comments. It sure can come out in funny ways and can come across as insensitive, but naturally we sometimes feel we have to say something, even if it's shallow or without much thought. I've done it plenty of times to others who are struggling with other burdens.
Do be honest if someone asks. I don't mean that you need to share all the details, but if someone asks about when you hope to start a family or if you have any kids, a simple answer of "The Lord has not blessed us with any as of yet." will help to put it into perspective as to Who is in control of our lives
Do know that others are going to be pregnant and have children. Be happy for them. I know, this can be hard sometimes.
Do know that moms are allowed to talk about their children. That is their work!! I always tried to remember that, if I was in a group of teachers, I would talk and share because that was my work. Well, the same goes with mothers.
Don't close yourself off from others. Again, easier said than done. In my most bitter times, the last thing I wanted was people to approach me. And people knew not to come near me because of my body language. If you know me, you will know that my body language is often much louder than my verbal (and I'm even a talker...so you can imagine how loud my body language can be!! :o)
Do know that if you don't want to be approached, you won't be. But then you can't complain that no one asks or seems to care
Do surround yourself with people you can confide in.
Do give people more credit. While they may not understand the burden of infertility, most people have dealt with a loss, sorrow and dark days/weeks/months. Most everyone is carrying a burden (or two or three....) so they may offer more than you think to help you through these valleys
Do cry. It's healthy.
Do pray that bitterness doesn't replace your sadness. Bitterness is such a dark, deep and ugly place that you don't want to be in. I've been there and I pray that I never go back.
Don't ever stop praying. Pray for a child, pray for understanding, peace, wisdom, patience, joy; pray for God's will to be a priority in your life, not a baby; pray that you stay clear of turning having a baby into an idol; pray for your spouse; pray for those who seem to be able to conceive just from folding their husband's underwear; and pray for those around you who are tip-toeing around you
I could go on. There is so much more to say. But I better leave it at this for now. The lists are incomplete, but at least it's a start that may help us all be a hand and a foot to each other, to share in each other's burdens, whatever they may be.
No comments:
Post a Comment