Chapter 7 - She's Gonna Blow

Yes, I know. This Thursday Book Talk has turned into an Any-Day Book Talk. Last week it was Saturday. This week it is Friday. Excuses, excuses, I know, but yesterday we were busy at Sick Kids with Toronto. And I knew Nathan would have a meeting tonight, so I saved this until now.

Chapter 7 - Keeping Things Cool: Some Practical Strategies for a More Peaceful Life

Summary:
Well, another long chapter, but I will try to summarize as best as a I can without re-writing the whole chapter (like the past 6 'summaries' :o).

This chapter is full of strategies, 10 to be exact, as to how to find peace, joy, love and contentment in our homes, with our children.

1. Stay in the Word: while many things have had to change (even given up) once becoming a parent, do not give up on time in God's Word, as it is most important. It is a need. A need that can be sated not just by spending an hour in His Word, but throughout the day by listening to podcasts, psalms/hymns, having Bibles in convenient places, memorize Scripture verses, and post verses throughout the house where you will read them often in a day.
2. Take Care of Your Physical Self - when we are down on ourselves and what we look like, it can trigger a blow up, or leave us feeling constantly irritable, short-tempered and distracted. Do a bit of exercise - anything - that you enjoy and focus on developing at least one good health habit. Mental health and physical health are closely connected.
3. Make Peace with your Past - confronting some past issues is a must in order to get a handle on your anger problems; use Christian counselors, write a journal of your life, and pray for forgiveness for whomever may have impacted your life in a negative way
4. Learn Anger Management Skills - or else anger can really destroy your family. Accept that reality that you have to give. And give some more and not have everything your way. Learn what relaxation techniques work for you (breath deep, count to 10 etc.). Talk yourself out of your anger, reminding yourself that your children are not out to get you. Honest. Think ahead about anger-producing situations, learning your trigger points and work on coming up with a creative way to avoid a blow up. Don't hesitate to look for Anger Management help from a professional.
5. Honour Your Child's Bent - learn your child, what makes them tick, their mannerisms, their ways, temperament/personality. This means taking the time to observe, and wanting to observe. Learning them will help you to understand them, which will make you love them easier. Each one is unique. For every 'bent' in your child that you see as a weakness, find a way in how it can be a strength as well.
6. Learn to Let Go - we want to control. Everything. But Barnhill kindly reminds us that everything doesn't depend on me - the mom - and everything doesn't have to go my way. Want to control something? Control your emotions. God expects us to control ourselves, but not to control the minute details of our lives (remember.....is it important in 'the light of eternity?'). Write down 3 areas where you are not going to "sweat it". Give it up and give to God.
7. Childproof your Mouth - "Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger" James 1:19. Pray for control before our mouths open. Turn on a tape recorder before a meal and record the way you speak to your children.
8. Simplify, Simplify - bottom line, we are too busy and are not spending enough time as a family, quietly, at home. Choose the best that needs to stay in your schedule and say no to the rest. Get a clear picture of which activities are truly "the best", using your calendars. Answer the question: which activities make an eternal difference in your life and your children's lives. Which activity helps them to grow? Start cutting out activities as you answer those questions, and follow through with those cuts. Use that now "free" time to spend as a family
9. Find a Godly Role Model - look around your church community and seek out a woman who shows the love of Christ to their families and to those around them. Initiate a relationship with that person. Don't let pride and insecurity stand in the way of this beneficial relationship. Break out of your comfort zone and be around women of all ages and stages of life. Could you possibly be a mentor or a friend to a younger mother?
10. Start a Support Group - can be seen as a life-saving group, where members agree to do what is necessary to help each other calm down. This group can be a great place to discuss trigger points and 'underground' issues in absolute confidence, praying and loving each other, holding each other accountable.

My Thoughts:
Again I am impressed, pleased and thankful that Barnhill lists the importance of being in God's Word as the first strategy. She really is grounded in His Word, which makes me respect her a lot.

Here are my thoughts on each strategy:
1.  I know for a fact that when I read His Word, my mind is more focussed for the day. I do not listen to sermons while my children are around as I need to hear every word, and if I don't, well, let's just say it's a Cheerio. But I DO love music, and psalms/hymns are playing most days in my house and car.
2. My mental health and physical health are completely connected. When I am down on how I look, it affects my moods. And that is why going to the gym is so important to me. Walking and doing the stairs is also very good for my mental health.
3. I am working on making peace with my past.
4. I am still learning anger management skills. I can tell that I already was busy learning them before this book, as some of the ways she has listed that may help are things that I have been doing already. However, I still need to work on the whole aspect of giving up things in my life. Yes, I can be selfish. Not proud of that.....
5. I will be working hard on learning my children's 'bent', not focussing on their weaknesses, but see how that very weakness is a strength. Because often, our biggest weakness is our biggest strength as well. I loved this strategy as it gets me excited to observe my children carefully and enjoy their personalities even more.
6. I never thought of myself as a controlling person, but looking back and seeing how I react when things do not go my way tells me otherwise. Last chapter's point of looking at things through the light of eternity has helped me a lot already and I am thankful for that.
7. Ah, a recording of me. Yeah, no thanks. :o). It is funny how, when my windows are open, I am a lot more conscious of what I say and how I say things. When will I realize that while the employees roaming the yard may not hear me with the windows closed, God can!?!?!
8. I found this strategy the one that did not speak to me much at all. It could be because my kids are too little to be involved in everything. I don't know. What I do know is that Nathan and I have talked often about what we think of filling our children's schedules with extra curricular activities, and thankfully we see it the same way: why? Yes, exposing our children to different things is important to us, but not if it takes away from time together. I do find today's children are busy, busy, busy, shipped here, there and everywhere, involved in this sport, or musical activity. You name it, kids are in it and it's not the only thing they are in. They are in school all day and then involved in so many extra things after school. Sure, they may all be "good" activities but,  yeah, well, I could write a whole blog post about this. I'll leave it for now, just saying that I love how Barnhill makes us answer those tough questions.
9. If you are in my church community - watch out, I may be stalking you :o)
10. Hmmm, now there's a thought. Do I dare?

I found this chapter to be helpful. While I am sure there are a whole lot more strategies, the ones she listed I find do-able and thought-provoking. After each strategy, she lists different ways on how to tackle that particular strategy. I pray that I remember these things and stick to what I have done, so that the home my children grow up in is one that is Christ-centered.

Your Thoughts:
What strategy speaks to you the most? Which one challenges you the most? Do you have any strategies yourself that you have found helpful?

Prayer Points:

• pray that His Word becomes my bedrock, that I may relish my time (even if it's limited) when in it
• for my health, my mental and physical health, as well as being thankful that I have the health to take care of myself physically
• for forgiveness knowing that I am forgiven
• that my selfish tendencies may not be so strong
• to be thankful for my children's 'bent', thanking their Creator for creating them for who they are
• to continue to look at things in the light of eternity, to help me to let go of control, knowing that God is in all control
• to help me feel the comfort of His presence near me each and every day
• to continue to place godly women in my life
• to give me what I need in case He gives me the opportunity to help others

Next Time:
Well, I don't know if you've read ahead in the book, but next is Part Three, which is titled: More Help and Proof You're Not Alone. I did read on and came to realize that it is just too hard to summarize Part Three. What Barnhill has done in Part Three is, she has included a lot of emails sent to her as well as her responses to these emails. While I know Part Three will be an interesting read, I don't see how it lends itself to this weekly Book Talk. However, I do see the importance of Part Three and so I say: buy the book!!! Because I *know* there are a lot more tips she writes in her responses to the emails.

So that means next Thursday I will conclude this Book Talk with overall thoughts/impressions etc. etc. See you next Thursday!! Thanks again for reading!